tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4245821872372996312024-03-20T05:35:43.843+00:00Happier LivingLearning to Thrivecharlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-62731577768475671782016-10-05T11:37:00.000+01:002017-05-23T16:24:09.034+01:00The power of variety, complexity and choice; or creativity in action<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is taken from the afterword in my book on positive psychology.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10.000000pt;">In some ways it could be said that positive psychology is
attempting to find the code, the initial programme that produces
the most beautiful lives. Philosophers and mystics have attempted
similar journeys and come to very similar conclusions. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 6.000000pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.3333px;">There is no surprise at how much research findings are mirroring some </span><span style="font-size: 10pt;">of the teachings of ancient mystics and philosophers. However,
it should be remembered that all ancient writings on the practices and behaviours of those who have embodied what has
been recognised as the height of human flourishing were written
by followers in their name. Buddha, Jesus and Socrates wrote
nothing. Their ‘teaching’ was given in practice and through
stories and principles that call for reflective action in relationship
to the self and others; the best understanding of these teachings
is only really revealed in practice.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;">Human life is not isolated, even within itself. Each thought,
word and deed is in communion with otherness: our environ-
ment or someone else or our own desires and needs, ambitions
or fears, with the added extra of the random feedback loop
that each thought generates as it ricochets out and back like an
echo-sounder.
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;">When people are happier they are kinder, more generous, more
grateful, and healthier. When people open themselves up to
growth and compassion, empathy and connectedness, more lives
flourish than just that of the individual. Just as micro-financing
is recognised as a powerful force for change in building the
economic strength of communities from within, so positive psychology is showing us how much the smallest attention to how
we look at the world and those around us can affect not just our
own well-being but everything around us. Positive psychology is
seeking to extend this message in a way that opens up opportunities for individuals to flourish from childhood to old age.
Every time you choose to learn, grow and develop personally
you change more than your own abilities and well-being. The
simplest change in thinking or behaviour can have a far-reaching
effect.
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;">We are complicated, and we live in a world that is complex
beyond even science’s ability to grasp fully, but the complex
arises from the very small and the very simple. </span></span><br />
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</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 6.000000pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 13.3333px;">The butterfly </span><span style="font-size: 10pt;">effect can be seen in much of the research in positive psychology. Barbara Fredrickson tells us that there is
an important ratio of positive effect that has a tipping point, 3:1
positive to negative. This is similar to the effects found in chaos
theory. But just as the butterfly flapping its wings can cause a
hurricane, each small change you make in your life matters. The
old proverb: ‘</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-style: italic;">For want of a nail the horse was lost, for want of a horse
the rider was lost, for want of a rider the battle was lost, for want of
a battle the kingdom was lost, and all for the want of a horse shoe
nail’,</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; vertical-align: 3pt;">224 </span><span style="font-size: 10pt;">sums it up nicely.</span></span><br />
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<h3>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.000000pt;">A small caution</span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">A happy fulfilled life as the subject for study and understanding
is important. </span><span style="font-size: 10pt;">However, looking for<i> </i></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><i>the </i></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;">key to happiness and
well-being can inspire prescriptive ideals. History is littered
with the casualties of putting into practice ideas that claim to
lead to a good and happy life. </span></span></h3>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;">Positive psychology is at the
forefront of a scientific approach to understanding what makes
us flourish and could claim to ‘know’ the answers, but proving
one thing and acting on that proof can have unforeseen consequences elsewhere. For example, 25 years ago psychological
research discovered the correlation between depression and
low self-esteem. Boosting self-esteem became the holy grail of
psychologists. However, after more study into the concept, high
self-esteem has been found to be great for the individual while
not good for others. People with high self-esteem are more likely
to be aggressive and bully others, are more likely to cheat and
to be self-serving generally at others’ expense. High self-esteem
can have negative consequences. </span><span style="font-size: 7.000000pt; vertical-align: 3.000000pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;">Like our modern obsession
with food, we may find that eating blueberries reduces the risk
of cancer and heart disease but we also know that a diet of only
blueberries would be poisonous. Time and again the research
reveals the power of variety and that our strengths can also be our weakness </span><span style="font-size: 13.3333px;">if over-used or used too narrowly, and your talents only really grow when challenged.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;">The research to date, the subject and business of positive psychology, should be used to inform and guide rather than dictate.
The subjective context in which happiness and well-being are
experienced is a complicated and perpetual interplay of how and
why we think and how and why we feel, which is both genetic
and learned.The happy news is that we </span><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt; font-weight: 700;">can </span><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;">affect the quality of
our life and how we feel.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;">Creativity is the unmentioned subject of my book but is the
expression of all aspects of a flourishing life. Everything we do
is creative or has the potential to create. Every time we smile
at someone we create a moment. Being creative is who we are
in action, any action, in our work, with our family and friends,
and most especially in the effect we have on our environment.
Shelling peas can be a creative process and we are all performance artists like Gilbert and George; our life <b>IS</b> our creation and
when we flourish we create better.
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;">In comfort and luxury some people can create hell, and in the
worst degradation and shortage there are people who can create
heaven. It is truly your choice: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt;"><br /></span>
<b><span style="font-size: 10.000000pt; font-style: italic;">"Believe that life is worth living, and
your belief will create the fact" </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-style: italic;">William James, 1842–1910</span><span style="font-size: 10pt;">. </span></b></span></div>
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charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-39534867000545097552016-10-04T16:48:00.002+01:002017-05-23T16:24:38.477+01:00You are not your thoughts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf9kKmtupQtmk0GShqU3Z1WvMlx4TmNRuErRCYe88ZzFxCCqtBZQYWlbo1_AprjzonJoH1TejkyizV6XoI3n1cc4CNNMhJkrhS60I-WoNKoCqrVPq6KNz9ZGCVwGeJwqm6A9KHlDXCeq4B/s1600/IMG_0137.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf9kKmtupQtmk0GShqU3Z1WvMlx4TmNRuErRCYe88ZzFxCCqtBZQYWlbo1_AprjzonJoH1TejkyizV6XoI3n1cc4CNNMhJkrhS60I-WoNKoCqrVPq6KNz9ZGCVwGeJwqm6A9KHlDXCeq4B/s320/IMG_0137.jpg" width="285" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are not your thoughts. Your brain does what it does, it processes information, it does this without you, when you dream, when your thoughts wander, your brain is doing what it does just as your lungs do or your heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be the watcher of your thoughts just as you can be the watcher of your breathing. You can put your attention to anything your body- which includes your mind.- Your body is experiencing and your mind is interpreting, with or without your attention. What we experience can be mindless or mindful.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When we let go of attachment to our thoughts we are still using out mind but it is not our mind that is running things it is our higher (deeper, truer...)self.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don't try to switch off your thoughts, just notice them, especially when you are beating yourself up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We say things to ourselves that can be horrible. When it is too hard to listen or shut up the monkey in the machine notice with your other senses and turn your attention to what you can hear, how your legs feel, what you are sensing, smelling, seeing or touching. Let go of believing what you are thinking. Practice being.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Try this 13 minute guided meditation with <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FVvQixu9fs" target="_blank">Ally Hamilton </a></span><br />
<br />charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-18588364056121887002016-10-04T14:05:00.004+01:002016-10-04T18:00:17.002+01:00Brexit thoughts, (Nothing to do with happiness!)<div class="p1">
The revolution IS being televised,</div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The revolution is on social media.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The piglet and pooh pastiches, the re-run petitions re-run, the wails and tales and what the f!</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The implodes and explodes and the silent retreat modes,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The friendships in question and IQ on trial.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">It IS a revolution.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And it IS being televised.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Let them eat cake is the Westminster vibe,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The BBC, guardian the, chattering minds.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">But the ordinary, dispossessed, helpless ignored. </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The workers, protesters, manipulated many have delivered their verdict unqualified -bold</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Autonomy- Freedom -Connection- Belonging- the need in the story is timeless, predictable, sorry.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">It's a revolution no different than any before</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Led by opportunists, fanatics and nationalists with distorted passion and one or two lies..</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Fuelling and feeding the anger and lack, or what the heck, to the obviously bored.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The revolution is being televised, media-ised, lionised. </span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The familiar players are all on stage</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Who is Robespierre who Stalin, who Benjamin Franklin?</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">See the honour and integrity exploited and changed on both sides.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The rejection of union, undoing the union, united we aren't in uncoupling, reforming, revolting.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Yet hell is also a world without change.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The revolution IS being televised!</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Choose love, choose humility, choose understanding choose wisely.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Or choose need needlessly.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Whatever you choose WILL be televised,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">It already is.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">It IS a revolution.</span></div>
charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-61473948093341825502016-03-05T18:16:00.002+00:002017-05-23T16:28:38.424+01:00There is hope in the madness- getting back to basics. In praise of self-help.<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In seeking happiness or at least a happier
life why do we need so many books and manuals and even this blog to remind/tell
us to pay more attention to the basics?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
By basics I mean; to be mindful and aware, grateful and kind, to live with more
compassion to both ourselves and others, to judge less and accept more. Surely
we don't need a book or article or a pinterest board to know these things? Yet
if you look at the self-help shelves groaning with books on all aspects of
well-being; spiritual, emotional, physical and mental there are thousands and
counting. It would appear that there is a need- almost an epidemic!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
After taking out the extreme ideologies, most 'life support' books say the same
thing in as many variations as it is possible to imagine. Most use one subject
as the catch-all and if the idea catches on it can be exploited for a bit
before the next 'way in'. No-one should care that self help can be
exploitive or that money is being made from teaching which ideally should be passed
from parent to child. Whatever the need, turning to a self-help book is an
indication or awareness of a lack. Whichever book or article turned to,
people are at least looking to challenge or change their pattern of
thinking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
If basic things like gratitude and kindness isn't taught at home thank goodness
there is a plethora of 'basic' messages getting out at the moment.
Self-help books can be great and although they come in many varieties and
cover many aspects of life, mostly they tell the same story; to wake up and
take responsibility for ourselves and how we live! Whatever has or is happening
to us we are the guardians of our souls and yes we do have souls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
The Dali Lama's message of a calm mind supported by compassionate living and a
strong character is one of the many voices on happiness. His influence is
immense but if the Chinese had not invaded and destroyed his country, Tibetan
buddhism would have remained hidden in the closed society that was Tibet. The
pain for Tibet was a force for good in the world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
It is pain, depression and emptiness that is the reason there is a mass
waking up to the 'basics'. It is living sadly and badly that causes people to
want to know how to live a little (or a lot) better and happier. There is hope
in the madness.</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The western culture, that focuses on the self, feels different
pressures. The distance and separation we feel, is not from God so much as
from an ideal we think we 'should' be in our own eyes. The greater the
discrepancy between how we<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>think<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>our lives or ourself '<i>should be</i>'
compared to how our life<span class="apple-converted-space"> '</span><i>is'</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>or we<span class="apple-converted-space"> '</span><i>are' </i>is a measure of unhappiness. The greater the discrepancy, the more unhappy and
depressed we are. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<h1 class="quoteText" style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px;">
</h1>
<h1 class="quoteText" style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: Merriweather, Georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px;">
“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” Socrates</h1>
</div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;">If we are lucky
we might get unhappy enough to want to do something about it and although some
ideas out there might be another road to hell the more people who are waking up
and addressing the issue the more all the simple ideas get airtime and the rotten
apples come to light. The rise of fundamental religious belief is part of the
same need and it too may rise or fall as a consequence of how much misery or
joy it brings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
History teaches us that 'ideal' instructions for living well, have constantly<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>been re-learnt - both individually
and collectively. I am just glad that the 'basics' are back on the menu. </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The suffering of the Tibetan people or Nelson Mandela have given us
examples of people who have risen from Job-like experiences, but seem out
of reach to most of us. Individual and global suffering calls us to compassion
and action, but often it is only through our <i>own</i> suffering that we are
're-minded' how fundamentally important are kindness, appreciation,
gratitude and noticing the small joys. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
Perhaps we need to loose much of what we have come to think matters before we
can wake up and remember the really big one, the hard idea that comes through
acceptance, compassion and kindness - <i>Forgiveness</i> - starting with
ourselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
I wrote this some time ago but feel I want to post this after hearing Laurie
Taylor on Radio 4 being very sniffy about self help, and the wellbeing
'industry'. I end where I began- who cares if people are pedalling
mindfulness, gratitude and meaningful living<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><i>and</i><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>getting it into government departments
and the like. Something is amiss if we are not happy -and surely these ideas
are better than some of the more fundamental religious ideas that also seek to
fill the current void.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-60933161053649722622013-11-04T11:52:00.000+00:002017-05-23T16:29:01.236+01:00Gratitude and apprieciation is a life forceHow appreciative are you of what you have right now?<br />
Sometimes it is easy to stop noticing the small miracles around us all the time.<br />
Gratitude is the door through which life pours, being grateful and appreciative is a choice, a choice to open yourself up to seeing the world afresh every minute.<br />
<br />
Do you use the word 'if' or 'when' in the way you look at your life? for example <br />
if I had more money <br />
if I was married/ had a boyfriend/ wasn't in a relationship...<br />
if my mother/ father hadn't.....<br />
if I had not been bullied/ changed schools /suffered........................ <br />
or <br />
when I get sorted <br />
when I get a promotion <br />
when I go away <br />
when I have time- if I had more time...................... <br />
you get the picture - you are looking at life from the perspective of a victim.<br />
<br />
Bad things happen but wishing things were otherwise or blaming someone or something for the situation you dislike is only giving you permission to stay helpless and a victim to circumstances- it is also a way of not talking responsibility for creating your own life.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
New things come into your life when you see things with gratitude. </div>
What are you grateful for learning and what gave you the opportunity to learn this? what are you most grateful for right now? How many things could you appreciate more if you stopped worrying for a moment?<br />
<br />
One way to start appreciating and developing a grateful outlook is to become <a href="http://www.mindfulnet.org/">mindful.</a> Just stop for three minutes and be aware of what your body is doing. Your heart is beating in a way that is able to pump your blood hard enough to gather oxygen, hormones, vitamins and minerals and then push them to all your body cells appropriately - even to the end of your toes and then have enough power to return to the heart. You are breathing life sustaining oxygen in an equally and integrated way and you are able to be aware of this cognitively- WOW! I am aware I sound annoying but a living body really is technologically beautiful, a stunningly designed self sustaining system ........... <br />
-and you are both creator and user- you choose and create many of the apps. How much stress hormone your body creates depends on how you think!<br />
<br />
Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to feel better about your life or just noting before you fall aleep what you apprieciate about the day, and why.<br />
<br />
I love this - funny and spot on! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8LaT5Iiwo4<br />
<br />
Emmons R.A. and McCullough M.E. (2003). Counting Blessings versus Burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. <em>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-89</em><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-1231229136518735072013-04-01T17:05:00.000+01:002013-03-27T18:58:45.650+00:00How interested are you in your relationship?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I have a great aunt of 94 who has never been married, the other
day she said to me that of course she has no first hand experience but as far
as she could see the reason most marriages failed was because of boredom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">"They say it's because of this or that reason, but I think people
just get bored" was how she put it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I think she is probably right. In her ted talk Esther Perel reminds us that the important things we look for in long term relationships
such as security and certainty are also passion killers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">We have an inbuilt system that reduces the pleasure something
affords us over time, we adapt all to quickly to having the things we desire
and the initial pleasure wanes with familiarity. This is called the hedonic
treadmill and capitalism mercilessly exploits our voracious appetite for
pleasure and happiness that consumerism, material acquisition and new experience gives
us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">We can become consumers of people too, caught up in the feelings <i>we</i> ‘get’ from other people and sexual
pleasure is one of the biggest pleasure/ happiness drugs of all. But like all
drugs the effects can become muted over time. The hedonic treadmill can apply
as much to our relationships as to anything else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Most people love being with small children, because we get to see
the world anew through their eyes. The child’s pleasure in the sound of wood on
metal, a ladybird, their first sight of the sea or snow renews these things for
us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Practicing awareness, appreciating and reminding ourselves of the
small everyday pleasures- such as a seat on the bus, melted butter on toast,
clean sheets or a good friendship – is a great way to boost and sustain lasting
happiness. Waking up to everyday and
personal things to be grateful for brings us closer to desiring and finding joy
in what we <b><i>have</i></b> rather than seeking it only in desire for what we don’t
have or in the new.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">So here is the issue, we are programed to want <b><i>new</i>,
<i>different</i> and <i>more</i></b>, to feed our need for pleasure. The pleasure hit is real
and <i>necessary</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">The more we challenge ourselves, and open ourselves up to new and
different things, the happier we are. We need variety and novelty in our lives
as much as we need stability and familiarity. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">The dance of life is both beautiful in simplicity as it is
beautiful in complexity. Reawakening ourselves to past delights requires an
effort of perception and a conscious decision. We decide to practice awareness
and gratitude for the good things until it becomes a habit and the habit of
enjoying what we have becomes part of who we are; it builds character as much
as wellbeing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">In our closest and most intimate relationships we also need to
choose to build in variety, change and renewed interest. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">The hedonic treadmill thrives on laziness and ignorance. Two
important ingredients to wellbeing are curiosity and variety. Curiosity encourages interest and variety is
good for everything, even varying what you focus on to appreciate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">We all need certainty <b>and</b>
uncertainty and most good things hold a measure of both.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship.html</span><span style="font-size: 18px;"> </span></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-50689111955844300772013-03-29T10:55:00.001+00:002013-03-29T10:55:15.740+00:00THINKING about ACTIONS and HABITS<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-size: 18px;"><div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans';"><br /></span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Watch your thoughts because they become your words</span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">W</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">atch your words because they become your actions</span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s5" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 21px;">Watch your actions because they become your habits</span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Watch your habits because they become yo</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">u</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">r char</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">a</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">cter</span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Watch your character because it becomes your destiny</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">.</span></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="s2" style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">I spend a lot of time focusing at the beginning of this quote</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">, </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">on </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">how we think. We can choose how we think and change our perspective and the rest follows;</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">w</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">hat you think creates the world you experience. Toda</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">y I would like to focus on the 3</span><span class="s6" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-size: 7px; line-height: 8px; vertical-align: super;">rd</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">l</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">ine. Watch your actions</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">be</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">cause they become your habits</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Our habits express who we are much more than our sentiments.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">In fact our habits ca</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">n betray us however much we want to deceive ourselves that we are </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">what</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> we </span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">think</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> mor</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">e than what we </span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">do</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">. T</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">hinking </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">affect</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">s</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> what we do</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">, but it is also true</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> that</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">doing effects what we think</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">If you smile you will feel happier, just as if you are happy it makes smile.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Kinder people are happier and happier people are kinder.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"></span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">T</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">he life we have been dealt</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;"> can shape our character</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">.</span><span style="line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Our</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;"> character is expressed through our</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;"> habits</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">.</span></div>
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<span class="s5" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 21px;">Our habits </span><span class="s5" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 21px;">govern </span><span class="s5" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 21px;">our actions</span><span class="s5" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 21px;">.</span></div>
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<span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Our actions direct our words.</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;"></span></div>
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<span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Our words betray our thoughts.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Thi</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">s way round it sounds less inspiring. W</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">hen written this way it conveys a powerless response </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">to life events (reactive)</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">, </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">as</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> opposed to </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">a </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">motivated </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">directed response (proactive)</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">If our character is shaped by a mindless reactive response to life’s lottery the process is probably continued until the thoughts generated at the end of this process would feed back into the </span><a href="" name="_GoBack"></a><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">return re</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">-action </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">i.e.</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">from t</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">hose thoughts back to character </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">and destiny. And back again. An endless feedback loop.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Traditional therapy spends a lot o</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">f time examining things in backward </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">direction</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">; from events to thoughts,</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> in order that people can under</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">stand why they might think the</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">way they do and </span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">then</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> choose to change things.</span></div>
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<span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Backward thinking people use their thoughts to </span><span class="s5" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 21px;">examine</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">their lives.</span></div>
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<span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">Forward thinking people use their thoughts to </span><span class="s5" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 21px;">create</span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;"> their lives.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Any thinking is good, even backward thinking. However when trouble strikes the </span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">habit </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">of forward thinking will serve you much</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">,</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> muc</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">h</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">,</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> better than backward thinking.</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"></span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Mindless action, thoughtless behavior </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">can be a habit in and of itself, </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">and I include in this</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> understanding of mindless</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> behavior;</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"></span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">B</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">ehavior and actions that come of mindlessly following and obeying rules</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Behavior</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> and</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">actions done with no thought at all beyond immediate gratification</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Lack of awareness, general thoughtless behavior.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">What is sad is that many people don’t wake up to, or question </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">their</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> think</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">ing</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">until </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">trouble strikes.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Do mindless actions lead to thoughtless habits</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">?</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">Which</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"></span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">in turn define our nat</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">ure? If we examine our actions do we say we act this way because that’s the way we </span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">are</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> or the way we are </span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">choosing </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">to be.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">A fixed mindset believes that we are who we are and people cant and don’t change. A growth mindset believes </span><span class="s4" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">anyone</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> can change.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">We</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> develop our character </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">through what we habitually do and think, </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">and </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">we CAN choose how we think, act and behave.</span></div>
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<span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">We don’t speak much about character today and we certainly don’t spend much time discussing the qualities and behavior that belies </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">good </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">character.</span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;"> We have become facile in </span><span class="s3" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; line-height: 21px;">how we speak about values, and forget that what we value is at the heart of what we really care about and governs our behavior. What we DO defines us and gives us our identity, and what we do can be done mindlessly.</span></div>
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<span class="s9" style="font-family: 'Gill Sans'; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px;">Are you choosing your story or mindlessly at the mercy of it?</span></div>
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</span>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-37773246981837394782012-01-26T16:03:00.000+00:002012-02-01T12:37:44.282+00:00Happiness, meaning and a sense of purpose.<div align="LEFT"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">What does it mean to have a sense of purpose? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">How much would a sense of purpose guide and affect your choices? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Having a sense of purpose gives you a reason to aim for something. It encourages you to move towards more fulfilling goals and in doing so enables you to experience longer lasting happiness. Having a sense of purpose means having clear goals that fit into your wider life story, so that what you do holds meaning and direction. </span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Having meaning in your life gives you the ‘why’ you do what you do. Knowing that your life has meaning helps you face up to difficulties and overcome hardship. The meaning, ‘your story’, defines your role and makes you who you are and what you do matter.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-small;"><strong><em>‘Lack of meaning and purpose accounts for much of the rise in depression in America’ </em></strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-small;"><strong><em>Victor Frankl</em></strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;">Victor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, remarks in his seminal book </span><i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin-Italic;">Man’s Search for Meaning </span></i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;">that lack of meaning and boredom in people’s lives cause more mental health problems than<o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;">distress. </span></div><div align="LEFT"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><br />
</div></div><div align="LEFT"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A sense of purpose doesn't have to be a grand world changing ideal, it is a way of holding who you are in harmony with what you do.</span> </span>L<span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;">iving a purposeful life has direction; you know the path you are on and equally importantly </span><i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin-Italic;">who </span></i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;">you are. </span><b><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin-Bold;">You </span></b><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;">are the path you walk: when your path is more important than the destination, life becomes vibrant and exciting; you know where you are headed and why. Your path is not so much about goals and work but the quality you bring to the process of living – your purpose, your unique contribution.</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div align="LEFT"><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Where you feel most autonomy and freedom is a good place to find a sense of purpose to your life. <span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;">Knowing what you value, and living to those values, gives the meaning and purpose to what you do. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"><a name='more'></a></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We have multiple sources of meaning, our values and needs change as we change and grow, and what we value in one area of our life can be different from another. Unpicking what you value can be a big task, especially if you are living values you inherited or reflect a way of being that was once important and necessary but is now redundant . </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"><div align="LEFT">When we are young we often inherit our parents’ values and many people continue for years living a life someone else has given them.Our experiences also shape our needs; for example, if you grew up in an environment where you were afraid, you might well need safety above everything. Finding your life purpose requires that you are able to differentiate emotional needs that are a consequence of past experience from needs that fulfil your potential and give meaning to what you do. Because values help us prioritise our needs and often give us the reason '<em>why<span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-BookItalic; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-BookItalic; font-size: x-small;"></span></span></em><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; font-size: x-small;">’ we do things, they can have cultural and linguistic meaning and importance </span></span></div></span><div align="LEFT"></div></span></span></span><div align="LEFT"></div></span><br />
<div align="LEFT"><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">However, we can be multifaceted <b>and </b>authentic: we can integrate ourselves to our lives in a coherent way. Having a sense of purpose is the most powerful way we can do this. </span></span></span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Inside we all have a personal calling, </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> there are some needs that consistently resonate with us most strongly and we always respond to and there are characteristics in our behaviour that we are most comfortable and happy exhibiting.</span><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"> Our purpose can be seen when we are behaving in a way that is natural to us.</span></span></div><div align="LEFT"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When have you felt most able to be yourself?</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div align="LEFT"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When have you felt real freedom of action?</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div align="LEFT"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When do you take responsibility?</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div align="LEFT"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Have you ever noticed the respect you command when you speak with your </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">own voice and what were you saying?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What are you doing when you feel you have autonomy; what activities do </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">you enjoy for their own sake?</span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you know what your purpose is at the moment? </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What are you aiming for?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span><span lang="JA" style="color: #9a9a9a;"><span lang="JA" style="color: #9a9a9a;"><span lang="JA" style="color: #9a9a9a;"></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What holds most meaning for you?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Plantin; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Plantin; font-size: x-small;"></span></span>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-73132755475548874042011-07-13T16:10:00.002+01:002011-07-13T20:37:36.446+01:00The importance of vulnerabilityThis is such an important subject. If you look at nothing else on this blog watch Brene Brown<br />
<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html">http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html</a><br />
<br />
I have found everything she talks about is true, in my own life and with clients. <br />
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The relationship of weakness and strength is much more than having the courage to ask for help. It is about being strong enough to embrace weakness and stand in the hard place and accept and embrace <strong>all</strong> that we are. <br />
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Real weakness, real vulnerability, is something we are uncomfortable and struggle with, but shouldn't stop us from accepting ourselves as we really are. Owning, rather than denying this part of ourselves allows us to accept and love others with true intimacy.<br />
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I learned a long time ago that the part of me that I wanted to change and loose, the me I was most ashamed of, was a part of me that people connected to. I still feel useless and vulnerable sometimes, however, the more accepting I am of my own weaknesses the more able I have been to love and accept weakness and vulnerability in others. <br />
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Do you love your friends because they are perfect or because they feel safe enough with you to let you see thier flaws?charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-43584138509614768942011-07-13T15:28:00.001+01:002011-07-13T16:10:51.689+01:00Something simpleFor a happier longer life, try smiling more! <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/ron_gutman_the_hidden_power_of_smiling.html">http://www.ted.com/talks/ron_gutman_the_hidden_power_of_smiling.html</a>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-7878818836343930432011-07-11T18:07:00.008+01:002011-07-11T18:32:04.946+01:00Happiness and a growth mindset<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Research is showing that having a growth mindset rather than being fixed in how we see the world is an important distinction between people who thrive and those who don’t. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: black;"></span></b></span> </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: black;">People with a growth mindset never stop learning</span></b><span style="color: black;">. Your ability to adapt and learn is a key component of your happiness and well-being. We all face challenges and change, and having an attitude that embraces personal growth happens when we are willing to learn. Setbacks and failure are opportunities to improve and grow. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">People with a growth mindset love challenges and new experiences.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">In her book, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i>Mindset: The new psychology of success</i>,</b> Carol Dweck explains how having an open mind to both our abilities and the world we live in allows us to grow and develop, and that holding fixed ideas reduces and limits not only our potential, but our potential for happiness. She also says that as a culture we don’t praise enough the effort and struggle people make, especially the young, when facing and overcoming setbacks.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="color: black;">‘Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.’ </span></i><span style="color: black;">Albert Einstein,1879–1955<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">According to Carol Dweck<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">People with a Growth Mindset:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><ul><li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Are open to new ideas.</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Are always learning (especially from setbacks).</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Enjoy challenges.</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Believe that abilities develop.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Believe that lives and relationships and other people develop.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Work at relationships<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
</ul><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">People with a Fixed Mindset </span></span><br />
<ul><li><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Believe that ability and intelligence are innate.</span></span></div></li>
<li><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Are Judgemental.</span></span></div></li>
<li><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Limit achievement (crumbles in the face of challenge and adversity).</span></span></div></li>
<li><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Believe that if relationships need work they must be wrong.</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span></div></li>
<li><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Believe that that if they have to work at things they must be stupid – it should come naturally<o:p></o:p></span></span></div></li>
</ul><div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Research has shown that people with a growth mindset are more likely to be realistic about themselves and their abilities than those with a fixed mindset. Being open to growth, learning and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>development does not mean an over-inflated idea of one’s abilities, but openness to possibilities and potential.</span></span></div><div><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></i></b> </div><div><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How open to change and development are you?</span></span></i></b></div><div><strong><em></em></strong> </div><div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Think of a time or incident that was hard for you.</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What did you learn?</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><div> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How did you change?</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><div> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What in your life has changed for the better because of this?</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><div> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What, about the experience, are you grateful for?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><div></div></span><div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">With a growth mindset we grow intellectually (growing in our knowledge of the world and developing our reasoning powers) and emotionally (growing more emotional intelligence). All experience becomes good as it builds resources and self knowledge for positive growth and change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more we know about ourselves the greater are our chances of realising our potential<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><div> </div></span><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: black;">Find your mindset</span></i></b></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div></div></span><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Read the statements below and mark whether you agree or disagree with </span><span style="color: black;">them:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><div> </div></span><div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1. You are the person you are and you can’t really change that, or</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div> </div></span><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">2. I believe that everybody can change, every kind of person is able to </span><span style="color: black;">change.</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><div> </div></span><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">3. The main part of who you are can’t change but you can do things </span><span style="color: black;">differently, or<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">4 .You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div><i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span></i> </div><div><i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">*[Questions 1 and 3 are the fixed mindset questions and 2 and 4 are the </span></span></i><i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">growth mindset.]</span></span></i></div><div><i><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i> </div><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If you are most comfortable with statements 1 and 3, try thinking about what </span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">it means to you to believe that people cannot change, and, more importantly, </span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">what would change in your life if you chose statements 2 and 4. Then: </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Make a quick list of where you have opportunities to learn more.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
<div> <span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong><em>Carol Dweck (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. New <span style="font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Plantin;">York: Ballantine Books</span></span></em></strong></span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Plantin; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Plantin; font-size: xx-small;"></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Tahoma","sans-serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-2924113711434047332011-07-11T17:13:00.001+01:002011-07-12T10:31:13.144+01:00Group Life Coaching ResearchMy research on the effect attending a life club workshop has on happiness and wellbeing has been published! <a href="http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/wab/gijwg" title="Groupwork An Interdisciplinary Journal for Working with Groups">Groupwork An Interdisciplinary Journal for Working with Groups</a>, Volume 20, Number 3, 2010 , pp. 51-72(22).<br />
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Nina Grunfelds Life Clubs are a great way to boost your happiness and wellbeing <a href="http://www.lifeclubs.com/">www.lifeclubs.com</a>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-23858801517043081312011-07-07T00:24:00.001+01:002011-07-06T11:55:37.070+01:00Everything you do effects everything you do!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdDHwKe938WqSDHeWmsa_ErFhTa8svVmt7x83zzjWycPByQ9DY1O0edO0rgvrgbdxR38CVTv5ZrHMWM0mjdfqDxnUu_eKs-mUO3zBB3y7-3326hbhx9T7MhO3gmDuehdenUu6udsfnKZe_/s1600/basic+mindmap+for+blog2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdDHwKe938WqSDHeWmsa_ErFhTa8svVmt7x83zzjWycPByQ9DY1O0edO0rgvrgbdxR38CVTv5ZrHMWM0mjdfqDxnUu_eKs-mUO3zBB3y7-3326hbhx9T7MhO3gmDuehdenUu6udsfnKZe_/s400/basic+mindmap+for+blog2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In this rather confusing mind map I hope to convey the integrated way we improve happiness and wellbeing. Improving only one of the boxes has the potential to impact on all of your life. Action and focus in any area of your life can positively affect your overall wellbeing, resilience and happiness</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The Indians have a saying- that we are a house with four rooms, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual and we need to visit each room every day if only to open the window.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="http://happier-living.blogspot.com/2011/06/small-and-complex.html">http://happier-living.blogspot.com/2011/06/small-and-complex.html</a></div>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-7913931677874651622011-07-04T15:37:00.004+01:002011-07-04T15:43:31.158+01:00Become happier by becoming kinderYou can increase your positive emotion and well-being by<br />
increasing your kindness.<br />
The child psychologist Bernard Rimland, director of the Institute for<br />
Child Behavior Research, found that ‘the happiest people are those<br />
who help others’. In his study, people were asked to list ten people<br />
they knew and then to mark each according to how happy they<br />
thought they were. They were then asked to rate the same people<br />
for how selfish they were. Those who were less selfish were also<br />
more likely to be the happiest.<br />
Why not try this experiment for yourself? Rimland’s criterion for<br />
selfish behaviour was ‘<em>a stable tendency to devote one’s time and</em><br />
<em>resources to one’s own interests and welfare – an unwillingness to</em><br />
<em>inconvenience one’s self for others’</em>.<br />
<br />
Random acts of kindness can be anything: something<br />
as simple as thanking someone, or stopping to allow a car<br />
to pull out in front of you or letting someone onto a train before<br />
you. All random acts of kindness are a real boost to happiness.<br />
<br />
Get inventive with your kindness. It is very important to remember how<br />
much variety matters. We love surprise, so keep your kindness fresh.<br />
In a ten-week experiment Sonja Lyubomirsky asked people to practise<br />
random acts of kindness. What was interesting about this research was that<br />
the effect on happiness depended on the variety and not the frequency. <br />
<br />
Don’t let this stop you – the more kindness you show the happier you will feel!<br />
In another study in Japan people were asked to count their kindnesses. The<br />
results showed that happy people became more kind and grateful, and all<br />
participants became happier.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><em>B. Rimland (1982). The altruism paradox. Psychological Reports, 51, 521.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><em>Julia K. Boehm and Sonja Lyubomirsky (2008). The Promise of Sustainable Happiness. University of California, Riverside.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><em>K. Otake, S. Shimai, J. Tanaka-Matsumi, K. Otsui and B. Fredrickson, (2006). Happy people become kinder through kindness: A counting kindness intervention. Journal of Happiness Studies, 7(3), 361–75.</em></span>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-24102730654151468892011-06-28T22:17:00.006+01:002011-06-28T22:24:36.476+01:00On Education and Passion<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This weekend I attended the Sunday Times Education Festival at Wellington College. A fantastic event that combined all that is good and forward thinking in education today with speakers and presentations on a vast number of subjects and perspectives. Michael Gove was great, however he stuck blindly to research that says the A levels most desired by business are english, maths, a language, the sciences, geography and history. This rather contradicted many of the presentations, workshops and discussions on what motivates and engages the young, which appeared to be much more the creative arts and as Bob Geldof highlighted, the creative industries have kept this country on the road significantly over the last 30 years as manufacturing has declined. The gold standard A’s also do not teach the other vital skills required by business, the importance of emotional, moral and social skills, a topic that permeated virtually everything. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The idea of a career appears to be dead yet we are in a world dominated by narrow expertise, we have a shortage of engineers and no idea what industries and skills we will need twenty years from now- or even ten. How can the business community of today define the ‘gold standard’ subjects that we should be teaching? Of course core knowledge is essential but how narrow or how broad is certainly up for debate. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Antony Seldon has taken this issue head on and was campaigning strongly for the broader potential of the International Baccalaureate and the relevance of teaching all eight aptitudes from Howard Gardner’s model of multiple intelligences, as well as the ability to be silent and mindful. Teaching how to use knowledge, as much as what knowledge children receive, seemed to be the thread.</span></span><br />
<h3 style="margin: 1em 0cm;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I am struck by a big discussion in the ted group on LinkedIn that is asking ‘Our educational system is failing to help students understand their passions and prepare for the right career. How many years did it take for you to find the right career and feel engaged at work? Is there a way to avoid the sometimes 20 year detour to career happiness?? </span></h3><h3 style="margin: 1em 0cm;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I am surprised this is not in a coaching or positive psychology group and it is quite a pet subject for me for many reasons- my own school experience and the number of midlife clients I get who realise they followed what they thought they should do rather than their heart and passions. There is no wrong and right here, we change as we mature and experience all that life throws at us, good and bad. It is often not the career path per se that is wrong but the way people are interpreting and valuing what they do. I am not sure if this is an education or a general social issue?<a name='more'></a></span></h3><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I left school at 16 because my expensive school did not see any potential in me and I was slightly dyslexic. I apprenticed as a cook and rated myself through the schools eyes. I changed my thinking, went back to school and discovered as an adult many things I should have found years earlier. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am still learning and discovering what my passions and skills are. Perhaps it is because I am such an adult learner that I care so much about people realising and discovering their own potential rather than living other people’s lives. I was lucky; I had the opportunity to go back to school. I was also lucky because I learnt most of the important soft skills at home. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Many children are not so advantaged, not just because they are poor but because they don’t even get basic emotional and social skills. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Education Festival again and again raised the point that reaching the most difficult and disengaged children was in everyone’s interest. Engaging with children who have experienced the difficulties and trauma that is the sad reality of many children’s lives- <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>not least children born to children- is essential. The statistics of future expense and problems if we don’t is there to read. </span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In Jamie Oliver’s dream school he sought out such children and appeared to encounter many of the issues that are the meat and potatoes of coaching and the ‘good’ ideas within positive psychology. Changing perspectives, learning practical resilience and coping skills, becoming emotionally aware and finding something that engages and challenges, as well as taking responsibility for your life, are some of the core elements to emotional and psychological wellbeing and happiness. These elements are also at the heart of knowing who you are and building self-efficacy. </span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Knowing who you are –being- comes before knowing what you want to do. When you know who you really are you can more easily develop meaningful goals for a fulfilling life. (For some lucky people they know what they want to do because ‘who they are’ is the same as ‘what they do’, and is evident from childhood, but most of us don’t know) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the presentations was by Lord Richard Layard who has evidence of the efficacy of a number of models used in schools that are incorporating the findings from positive psychology. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know one lovely girl teaching in an east London school who has had a dramatic effect by introducing just a few principles taken from positive psychology, and other people who are positively affecting the lives of alcoholic teenagers using a strengths based approach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Co- active coaches have been working in prisons for some years and the new charity Action for Happiness </span></span><a href="http://www.actionforhappiness.org/"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">www.actionforhappiness.org</span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is connecting the hundreds of small community initiatives that are out there. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">DIY Happiness</i> </span></span><a href="http://www.diyhappiness.co.uk/"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">www.diyhappiness.co.uk</span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How to Thrive- </i></span></span><a href="http://www.howtothrive.org/"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">www.howtothrive.org</span></span></a><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>an organisation teaching 11-13 year olds emotional awareness and resilience are just two examples of many. Teachers are everywhere, not just in school. Education is a lifetime’s journey and it happens when we are engaged, the important thing is that it happens.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The quality of teachers matters, not as instillers of facts but as instillers of the joy of learning and discovery. Whether teaching a subject or aptitude, a great teacher has both knowledge and skill to excite and engage.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">With difficult and hard to teach children it starts with someone who takes the time to engage and offer small practical ways that can literally change perspectives and change lives. What does ‘engage with’ mean? What skills tools and actions work? Everybody working in this field has something to contribute, especially with children who are disenfranchised for whatever reason.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Setting boundaries, adapting boundaries and holding them.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not judging but not colluding in victim mentality either</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Able to be present and create a ‘good’ present- Hold the space.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">See potential.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Facilitate community support</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Expect, demand, challenge and reward. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"></span><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Teach discernable skills both practical and emotional.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Creating a good environment for learning is not rocket science but certainly in some instances requires specialist skills as well as adapting to a fast changing world. Some teachers are able to do the above, others cannot. Teaching is not just knowledge expertise; it is an expertise in itself. Some skills cannot be taught or legislated for- they are the skills of leadership and wisdom. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The biggest issue appeared to be whether schools should be doing more than just educating children to pass exams for employment and how to provide the best opportunity to develop and grow into their potential; educating children to live valuable, happy and purposeful lives as well as being equipped to face challenges as yet unknown. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bob Geldof literally blew us away. He was the most articulate informed and passionate (in a good way) speaker at the festival. School failed him. Although he knew his father had worked hard for his education he only took a love of poetry from the experience. This was enough for his creative spirit to flourish, and perhaps fuelled his emotional response to the world. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has a passion, responsibility and sense of purpose and knows who he is enough to follow his heart totally and has been of more benefit globally than can be measured. A sense of who he is – at his core- is shown in the integrity of spirit with which he spoke about not breaking a promise to the poor (compassion in action). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His knowledge and intellect was powerfully displayed in his clear reasoning on how it is in our own interest to educate and help the poor. There is no question that poverty creates terrorists, civil unrest and war, but it is his authentic passion, not his intellect, that we responded to, and it is his authentic passion that has enabled him to move mountains.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The people, who educate and inspire the young to learn both knowledge and what to do with it, are the real creators of our future. Mostly these people have a passion. People respond to authentic passion and children spot a fake a mile away. If passion awakes passion how can we keep our teachers inspired and passionate?</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is a movement developing- Ken Robinson is getting heard and Anthony Seldon is inspirational on the subject and believes if he can show the effect in the private sector the public sector will have to take notice. He is one of countless people and teachers who want the next generation to know more than facts. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I took anything from the weekend it is that passion and inspiration matters. Coaches in schools would be wonderful. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
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</div>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-36000465677327139472011-06-26T22:06:00.003+01:002011-06-26T22:07:42.390+01:00The best way to say it!How to live more happily<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXI80TqAMQQ">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXI80TqAMQQ</a>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-6213343789725444982011-06-20T13:07:00.003+01:002011-06-28T22:32:15.080+01:00Health and a positive attitude to food<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><strong><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Food is one of life’s best pleasures- are you appreciating and savouring what and how you eat?<o:p></o:p></span></strong></div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div> </div></span><div> </div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A young man on his gap year teaching in India was struggling to connect to the children on his first day. As he groped for a subject, he asked ‘who likes food?’ The class erupted with excitement and he thought he’d cracked it. His next question, ‘what is your favourite food?’, completely baffled them. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div> </div></span><div> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p>We have so much food, and choices of types of food, in the West that we have lost the concept of food as something that keeps us alive. What we do have are <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>unending amounts of research and information on what foods are best for health, happiness and energy. We devote hours of television time watching chefs cooking ever more exotic and exciting recipes and buying an unlimited number of books and magazines on the subject of food.<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;"> </span>Research shows that we are living longer and healthier but we are also getting fatter and suffering from more diabetes, coronary disease and cancer in the developed world than ever before. We know the effects of an unhealthy diet and yet we continue to eat and drink unhealthily. So much unhappiness is connected to our bodies and what we put into them that there is obviously much more to it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div> </div></span><div> </div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p>All food is good for us in moderation. What is not good for us is too much worry about what we are or are not eating. We can get all the information and spend hours buying the right things but the process of doing this can be stressful and all the benefit of eating the right stuff is lost to the anxiety. If food is something that controls us it becomes a cause of unhappiness. The same is true when food becomes a substitute for other pleasures and needs, an addiction that we can retreat into. </span></div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div> </div></span><div> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Love your body as much as the food that feeds it.</strong> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When did you last stand naked in front of a mirror and really look at yourself? I am old enough for this to be much harder than it was 20 years ago. We live in a youth-obsessed culture and as we get older we can be made to feel that the natural changes to our bodies should somehow be overcome, hidden and even denied. The sexiest people are all shapes, sizes and ages – what they share is confidence and delight in themselves and their bodies. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Really sexy people are at ease with their bodies.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Everybody has flaws and imperfections. If you focus on your physical flaws rather than seeing what is beautiful about yourself, you will stop enjoying your full physical potential. Eating and body image can become so distorted that pleasure in a body that can run, jump and dance is lost along with the pleasure of eating. If you are young, be grateful for your body now. In 20 or 30 years you will long to have it again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><o:p></o:p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p> </o:p>Food <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> a pleasure and preparing food is a wonderful way to be mindful and present. Eating with other people is the best way to savour both food and company. The beginning of friendship normally starts with sharing a meal, in fact it is very unlikely that you have any significant relationships with someone you haven’t eaten with. </span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here are some ways to eat well for a healthy mind AND body</span></b></div><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Eat fruit and vegetables daily.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Make time to cook; cooking your own food is healthier not just because the ingredients are better but the time you spend preparing it can be mindful or social.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Eat more slowly and relish your food. <span style="color: black;">Take time to really enjoy and savour your food. Deny yourself </span><span style="color: black;">nothing but take longer eating and relishing what you are eating. </span><span style="color: black;">Notice what the food tastes of and how it feels in your mouth.</span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Eat what you enjoy; keep portions moderate but don’t deny yourself the pleasure of eating.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: black;">Eat with someone else.<o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Eat better snacks; nuts, dried fruit or home-made pop corn.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; mso-fareast-font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC;">Have regular meal times.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Bring colour to your plate.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Take a minute to be grateful for your food and the body it feeds.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; mso-fareast-font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC;">Don’t see food as a problem, see it as the source of life that it is.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: black; mso-fareast-font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Try finding five physical aspects of yourself that you like, and really take note of what people compliment you for.<o:p></o:p></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div> </div></span><div> </div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="color: black; mso-fareast-font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: ZapfDingbatsITC;">Why not give your body a good clean out now and then? Fasting every once in a while is very good for clearing your system both physically and mentally and is still used as a spiritual practice.</span><o:p></o:p></div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div> </div></span><div> </div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Alternatively give yourself a mindful eating exercise:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take a piece of chocolate and eat it as slowly as you can, let it melt on your tongue and stay in your mouth as long as you can. <span style="font-size: 12pt;">Enjoy this exercise with a friend!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-63971602614641093452011-06-16T08:59:00.000+01:002011-06-16T08:59:44.503+01:00Brilliant RSA talksI love all the RSA illustrated talks, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc</a> this is great.<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc"></a><br />
you can also find Dan Pink at www.ted.com/talkscharlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-53106871821920016692011-06-16T08:58:00.001+01:002011-06-16T17:06:54.766+01:00What does it mean to be good?<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">What does it mean to be good?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Why do we all agree that the current exposure of the behaviour of the <span style="background: yellow;">MPs</span> is that they have not behaved ethically? It appears that many were encouraged to see expenses in lieu of the salaries they forfeited, but too many individuals had pushed the collective collusion past a blurred unwritten line. What was acceptable at one level became unequivocal fraud at some unspecified point. The same issue applies to the human rights privacy law becoming a means for a footballer to hide his adultery. It is clear the law was never drafted for such use but a collective collusion has encouraged a general abuse. After the financial collapse in 2008 it is possible to see how far people had pushed the collective collusion behind behaviour that was clearly wrong but technically legal. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><a name='more'></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">What is right or wrong? Good or bad is ALWAYS contextual - if I shoot someone just about to be burned at the stake is it still murder? Moral behaviour is on a sliding scale, being guilty of manslaughter is different to full blown <span style="background: yellow;">pre</span>-meditated murder. Taking one action in one context and examining whether it is the same action in another context is at the heart of our trial system. Our social and legal evolution is much more the sum of many small incremental changes than radical landmark shifts. There is a philosophical question that has no precise answer 'when is a pile a heap?' This is the blurry place we all live, it is not the grey place without black or white but the blurry place where things change, between a pile and a heap, where one action is right for a pile but another is right for a heap. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">The archbishop of Canterbury’s concern with the way Bin Laden was assassinated was considered the wrong response. What is this saying about our collective ideas, where collectively are we in the grey area of assassination, warfare and regime change?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Incremental movement is as important as the big shifts. When was it first possible for a single woman to live unmarried with a man and be socially acceptable? Was it when a particular woman and man did so? Or a particular number? Or in context with other social changes? I certainly couldn't answer. This blurred 'time of change' in collective behaviour applies to most social changes and thinking and is underpinned by our values.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Our values interpret the context, or give us our story and collectively we buy into the best story. Values reflect needs and our needs change. Our social needs can change infinitesimally from a pile to a heap, change however, is often only recognised when the heap is so big we can no longer deny its existence or it has started to smell. At this point the collective collusion can turn very suddenly and like a flock of birds we correct our flight and swoop in a different direction. Suddenly we have a different story.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Is our morality and ethical thinking on catch up or -even worse -static, rather than fine-tuned to our changing needs? When is 'good' behaviour relative and when should it remain steadfast. What triggers collective and individual moral responses? We are manipulated, literally bombarded with emotive language and images, so much so that we probably barely notice. Yet all our responses and behaviour are in context, and it is the context that gives anything meaning; the context is the story. Good and bad is decided by the story we believe or are given.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">How do we interpret actions and context? As a mindless collective or in a darkly self-interested way? Do we lazily follow the idealists, relativists or the nihilists; 'stealing is wrong',' this isn't theft', ‘nobody cares', 'no-one will notice', or adhere to what we believe 'religion is bad and science is good' (or vice versa). Simplistic and lazy interpretations, allow us to opt out of engaging morally and give rise to automatic actions and responses and when it gets a little grey we can choose not to engage or respond with - 'it’s nothing to do with me', or 'they told me to', or simply to just follow the collective or rules.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Examining our actions before they come to court, before we are called to account socially, is important (there is much to be said for a catholic confessional) -there <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> purpose in examining what is a 'good' life. It is the beginning of wisdom. However, w</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">hen it comes to questions of good actions over bad, it appears we are collectively readier to jump on a band wagon over someone <span style="background: yellow;">else's</span> actions than examine our own. We are much better at assessing other people morally than we are at assessing ourselves</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">. (1)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> We are also much more likely to suffer from collective collusion that we would like to believe. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Being dishonest or cheating can be contagious, research has shown that people are influenced by other people’s moral behaviour. Seeing someone getting away with dishonesty has a significant effect on the extent of similar dishonesty especially when it someone we are connected to (part of our story). In a classic piece of research people were found to be more likely to cheat (in a test that rewarded financially) when someone from the same college or 'in-group' was seen to cheat and get away with it, and they were less likely to cheat when someone from another or 'out-group' was witnessed cheating.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> (2)</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Most people if given the idea they can 'get away with it' will cheat or be dishonest 'a little bit'. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">What stops people behaving dishonestly is when they are made to focus on moral issues, such as the Ten Commandments. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">(3) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
We do know what is g<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">ood action or right behaviour and when we stop and think morally- as a good person we behave better. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can (and should) think about our actions and interpretations even when it is uncomfortable. Being ‘good’ is as real and as elusive as beauty. Like beauty, good character and right action are easily recognised but out of context can slip through ones grasp as easily as water in the hand; tangible but elusive. What we understand as 'right' behaviour demands responsibility and often the risk of individual autonomy. This kind of thinking can seem under threat today by the collective collusion that expediency is increasingly mistaken for wisdom. - ‘Get as much as you can while you can’, is the safest and wisest action in a hungry unstable world, or ‘follow the rules and don't question them’ and you will keep your job, and follow the crowd and you will look good.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Logical thinking and all endeavours that seek objective understanding require understanding itself to be a singular ingredient, for example, understanding ‘making a cake’ means more than knowing all the ingredients, you also need to include the crucial ingredients of hunger, taste and human action; the context, without which the cake itself holds no meaning. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Do you care about the following question- What do you seek to experience? A happy life or a good life? P<span style="background: yellow;">ositive</span> psychology is discovering they are connected, which is no surprise, however science is only as good as the questions it asks. Science can inform but we have to be open to the context in which we act. And we are the authors of the context.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"> Understanding that we chose each moment and that all action is part of a bigger collective might wake us up to a responsibility of action. The world we inhabit is just the sum of the millions of individual choices and actions, and all these actions influence collective action and interpretation.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Is a good life a moral life? I don't know, Good living is definitely incremental as well as contagious and I am happier in a world that is the sum of a thousand small white end of grey choices rather than the black end.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">1.S.E Taylor & J.D.Brown, (1988)Illusion and <span style="background: yellow;">wellbeing</span>. A s<span style="background: yellow;">ocial</span> p<span style="background: yellow;">sychological</span> perspective on m<span style="background: yellow;">ental</span> health. Psychological bulletin, 103(2), 193-210</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">2. Francesca Gino, <span style="background: yellow;">Shahar</span> <span style="background: yellow;">Ayal</span>, and Dan <span style="background: yellow;">Ariely</span>. (2009) Contagion and Differentiation in Unethical Behavior.The Effect of One Bad Apple on the Barrel Volume 20—Number 3.Association for Psychological Science p.393. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">3. Nina <span style="background: yellow;">Mazar</span>, On <span style="background: yellow;">Amir</span> and Dan <span style="background: yellow;">Ariely</span>. (2008)The Dishonesty of Honest People: A Theory of Self-Concept Maintenance. Journal of Marketing Research, Vol. 45, No. 6, pp. 633-644.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_our_loss_of_wisdom.html"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.ted.com/talks/<span style="background: yellow;">barry</span>_<span style="background: yellow;">schwartz</span>_on_our_loss_of_wisdom.html</span></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-1877581565332547962011-06-10T12:43:00.003+01:002011-06-10T14:58:40.202+01:00A flourishing life is an integrated life<span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">The wellbeing community speak of a flourishing life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Flourishing implies more than being happy it includes the idea of living in a way that involves healthy thought and action, in mind, body and spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rewards of a full and flourishing life are happiness and wellbeing. </span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif";">The most interesting and relevant research findings into what contributes to a flourishing life tell us the importance of:<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif";">Feeling good, being grateful, being curious and open minded, acting generously, choosing wisely, living meaningfully, having self-acceptance and being sociable</span></i></b><span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif";">. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif";">Research into this subject appears to be confirming old ideas about character and living a ‘good’ life. All traditional stories that teach us about this subject however, are clothed in metaphor or tale, being a ‘good’ person gets rewarded and attending to character traits that endear you to others is the key to a ‘good’ life and reward. Positive psychology has collided with moral philosophy and spiritual practices and the reward is wellbeing and happiness. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif";">All stories are really about good character and the courage to learn and face challenges. This is in essence at the core of every Hollywood story and the ‘reward’ is as likely to be happiness through personal fulfilment and self-discovery as material gain. The guy gets the girl because he wins himself first (or vice versa). </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif";">The stuff of tales - courage, generosity, wisdom, and honour depends on self-knowledge and belief combined with the ability to look beyond the self, to the needs of others. Stop for a moment and think about what in your life has given you the most lasting sense of well-being – when you felt truly yourself, a moment or event that caused you to feel great long afterwards. I bet it either affected other people or was something that involved a challenge. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif";">Altruism is not self-denial it is the employment of empathy and imagination. When combined with that horrible word responsibility, we own up to the fact that our lives are not separate but intricately interdependent and our actions matter. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Tahoma", "sans-serif";">A flourishing live is an integrated life, living a life that is both fulfilling to yourself as well as those around you and beyond. A flourishing life can begin with a smile and always has a story to tell. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-8763289490532458362011-06-08T22:44:00.002+01:002011-06-16T17:12:20.418+01:00The small and the complexIf you google happiness, well being or positive psychology you will quickly discover the main subjects and research. The importance of gratitude, meaning, optimism, resilience, kindness, developing your strengths, and finding what you value. You will also hopefully find that variety is important and that exercise and mindful living are as beneficial to the mind as to the body. <br />
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Most of what is written on the subject is limited and simplistic and at its heart a 'good' life is not complicated - but it is complex.<br />
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<em>There isn’t just one contributing key to a happier, more fulfilled life. Nothing is simple and yet everything is simple, because changing just one small aspect in your life affects something else which in turn has an effect.</em><br />
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<em>The scientist Stephen Wolfram shows very neatly how complexity can arise from the very simple when randomness is one of the factors fed into the most basic computer program. This is not what is interesting; his main point is that it is not always possible to retrieve the simple beginning from the complex or to predict the outcome when randomness is a feature. In a very simple example he creates beautiful and complex patterns from running very basic programs.</em><br />
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<em>In some ways it could be said that positive psychology is attempting to find the code, the initial programme that produce the most beautiful lives. Philosophers and mystics have attempted similar journeys and come to very similar conclusions. There is no surprise at how much research findings are mirroring some of the teachings of ancient mystics and philosophers. However, it should be remembered that all ancient writings on the practices and behaviours of those who have embodied what has been recognised as the height of human flourishing were written by followers in their name. Buddha, Jesus and Socrates wrote nothing. Their ‘teaching’ was given in practice and through stories and principles that call for reflective action in relationship to the self and others; the best understanding of these teachings is only really revealed in practice.</em><br />
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<em>Human life is not isolated, even within itself. Each thought, word and deed is in communion with otherness: our environment or someone else or our own desires and needs, ambitions or fears, with the added extra of the random feedback loop that each thought generates as it ricochets out and back like an echo-sounder.</em><br />
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</em><br />
<em>When people are happier they are kinder, more generous, more grateful, and healthier. When people open themselves up to growth and compassion, empathy and connectedness, more lives flourish than just that of the individual. Just as micro-financing is recognised as a powerful force for change in building the economic strength of communities from within, so positive psychology is showing us how much the smallest attention to how we look at the world and those around us can affect not just our</em><br />
<em>own well-being but everything around us. Positive psychology is seeking to extend this message in a way that opens up opportunities for individuals to flourish from childhood to old age. Every time you choose to learn, grow and develop personally you change more than your own abilities and well-being. The simplest change in thinking or behaviour can have a far-reaching effect. </em><br />
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<em>We are complicated, and we live in a world that is complex beyond even science’s ability to grasp fully, but the complex arises from the very small and the very simple. The butterfly effect can be seen in much of the research in positive psychology. Barbara Fredrickson tells us that there is an important ratio of positive effect that has a tipping point, 3:1 positive to negative. This is similar to the effects found in chaos theory. But just as the butterfly flapping its wings can theoretically cause a hurricane, each small change you make in your life matters. The old proverb: ‘For want of a nail the horse was lost, for want of a horse the rider was lost, for want of a rider the battle was lost, for want of a battle the kingdom was lost, and all for the want of a horse shoe nail’, sums it up nicely.</em><br />
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<em> </em><br />
<em>A small caution</em><br />
<em>A happy fulfilled life as the subject for study and understanding is important. However, looking for the key to happiness and well-being can inspire prescriptive ideals. History is littered with the casualties of putting into practice ideas that claim to lead to a good and happy life. Positive psychology is at the forefront of a scientific approach to understanding what makes us flourish and could claim to ‘know’ the answers, but proving one thing and acting on that proof can have unforeseen consequences elsewhere. For example, 25 years ago psychological research discovered the correlation between depression and low self-esteem. Boosting self-esteem became the holy grail of psychologists. However, after more study into the concept, high self-esteem has been found to be great for the individual while not good for others. People with high self-esteem are more likely to be aggressive and bully others, are more likely to cheat and to be self-serving generally at others’ expense. High self-esteem can have negative consequences. Like our modern obsession with food, we may find that eating blueberries reduces the risk of cancer and heart disease but we also know that a diet of only blueberries would be poisonous. </em><br />
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<em>Time and again the research reveals the power of variety. Your strengths can be your weakness if they are over-used or used too narrowly, and your talents can grow better when challenged. The research to date, the subject and business of positive psychology, should be used to inform and guide rather than dictate.</em><br />
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<em>The subjective context in which happiness and well-being are experienced is a complicated and perpetual interplay of how and why we think and how and why we feel, which is both genetic</em><br />
<em>and learned. The happy news is that we can affect the quality of our life and how we feel.</em><br />
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</em></div><div align="left"><em>This is taken from Style, C.A. Brilliant Positive Psychology (2010) Pearson</em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/stephen_wolfram_computing_a_theory_of_everything.html">http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/stephen_wolfram_computing_a_theory_of_everything.html</a></div><div align="left"><br />
B. Fredrickson and M. Losada <em><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Plantin;">.</span></span></span></em> (2005). <em>Positive affect and the complex dynamics of human flourishing. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">American Psychologist<span style="font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Plantin;">, </span></span><span style="font-family: Plantin-Italic;"><span style="font-family: Plantin-Italic;">60</span></span><span style="font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Plantin;">, 678–686</span></span></span></em><br />
<br />
Roy F. Baumeister, Jennifer D. Campbell, Joachim I. Krueger and Kathleen D. Vohs (2003<em>). Does high self esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier lifestyles?<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> <span style="font-family: Plantin-Italic;"><span style="font-family: Plantin-Italic;">American Psychological Society</span></span><span style="font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Plantin;">, </span></span><span style="font-family: Plantin-Italic;"><span style="font-family: Plantin-Italic;">4</span></span><span style="font-family: Plantin;"><span style="font-family: Plantin;">(1), p. 1–44.</span></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica;"></span></span></span> </em></div><div align="left"><em><br />
</em></div>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-11774224119127358122011-06-05T20:01:00.001+01:002011-06-10T10:15:59.109+01:00Being judgmental and the misery of social comparison<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Why are we often so judgemental? </span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The psychologist Jonathan Haidt says it is because this is part of the essential glue that holds us socially cohesive. He argues that ‘tit for tat’, or ‘do as you would be done by’, is the most successful way we have to work as an individual within a group; policing, or monitoring, this tension works through our common public judgement of each other. Because we assess and judge people, we hold them accountable and are in turn held accountable. We are constantly judging who is deserving of what reward or punishment, and we are naturally programmed to reciprocate like for like.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">In his book Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus, John Gray talks about how we are doing this in relationships all the time, subconsciously awarding points to ourselves and our partner and we judge others through our own award system. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There are many different award systems associated to gender, personality, class, culture, age, and most especially beliefs and values. What you believe, what you most value, reflects and governs how you make sense of the world and therefore affects your judgement and can govern your emotions. We <em>feel</em> the world through what we value and we judge others through this veil of emotion. <span style="color: white;">brilliant </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Answer the following questions with a score of 1–10 to get an idea of how much you judge people.</span></div><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">How much do you feel let down by people?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">How much do you criticise?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">How much does it matter to you to be acknowledged? </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">How much do you believe only some people are worth spending time with?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">How much do you look for praise?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Judging other people is one thing, judging yourself in reference to others is a first-class ticket to unhappiness.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">How much do you worry about how much fun or success other people are having compared to yourself?</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 36.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">How much do you want other people to think you have an interesting or exciting life? </span><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></li>
</ul><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The new charity Action for Happiness <a href="http://www.actionforhappiness.org/">http://www.actionforhappiness.org/</a> has a wonderful poster that says it very neatly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgN83I2Y-2M3ZJ4_acsLMoqQ5BvGVttu5E-swK561YPnP7yX9l_6QbXrq4_M3CFgKCiknHYe8FX40XInJkM-qGAcYQrr_ugSya5oIy4Kh68ED_mBIiIJDlBiqA-XhlSlsTwhdYZFdajuqP/s1600/happinessposters_acceptance_0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgN83I2Y-2M3ZJ4_acsLMoqQ5BvGVttu5E-swK561YPnP7yX9l_6QbXrq4_M3CFgKCiknHYe8FX40XInJkM-qGAcYQrr_ugSya5oIy4Kh68ED_mBIiIJDlBiqA-XhlSlsTwhdYZFdajuqP/s320/happinessposters_acceptance_0001.jpg" t8="true" width="226" /></a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Notice if you are constantly evaluating yourself in respect to other people. Your social support is part of who you are and those around you can have a great influence on how you feel about yourself. Being dependent on the opinions of others affects your own self-regard which is then fed back into your relationships with other people. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Comparing ourselves and judging others is only bad when it is done negatively or makes us feel bad. We all need to feel we belong and we all love to belong to a ‘tribe’ we identify with, who share similar outlooks, pleasures and activities. Belonging to a football club, church community, sharing a school or geography, life experience or social class is part of who we are, and people who share these things with us share a part of our identity and make us feel we belong and are connected.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">What is your identity? </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></i><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Wanting to have another identity from the one we ‘think’ we have is different from growing and developing an identity that is authentic and comfortable; that incorporates who we have been into who we are and who we can be. Comparing yourself to others in a way that becomes unhealthy can develop from a belief that your identity comes only from external expression;- who we want to be seen to be by others. This can lead to a life of constant neediness and judgement.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Here are three ways to become less judgemental.</span><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Be authentic rather than sincere</span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We are increasingly identified by our sincerity of belief, which is rewarded by outside approval of our adherence to the 'popular' or ‘right’ way to think or behave. You can be high-minded and sincerely so, but to be authentic you must also be rooted in reality, which can require restraint, compromise, and full responsibility to both yourself and other people.</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 54pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">· </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Who are you when you are being sincere? </span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 54pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">· </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Who are you when you are being authentic?</span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 54pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo3; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">· </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">How is this different? </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Develop your self-regard.</span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Develop your self-regard through acceptance, love, curiosity, gratitude and fun. Learn to be and celebrate ALL that you are, your weaknesses and your strengths, and you will find yourself enjoying all your relationships better, especially with yourself.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Learning self-acceptance is part of growing your self-regard, the best way to reduce the misery of social comparison and being too judgmental. </span></span><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Make friends who share your values</span></span></i></span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Choosing relationships and friends that complement rather than compete with your own abilities and strengths stops you being competitive and envious. Choosing partners and friends who have qualities and strengths you can admire and celebrate encourages reciprocal respect and admiration.</span></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 18pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><br />
</div>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-35181589294984359262011-06-02T22:00:00.001+01:002011-06-10T10:13:58.814+01:00Curiosity- a key ingredient to wellbeing<span style="font-family: QuaySansMdITC;"></span><br />
<div align="left"></div><div align="left"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Are you open and curious or do you hold on to rigid expectations.?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Being open to new (and old) experiences and open to continuous learning, having a growth as opposed to a fixed mind-set, has a great effect on every aspect of your happiness and well-being.</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Research is showing that having a growth mind-set rather than being fixed in how we see the world is an important distinction between people who thrive and those who don’t. </span></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><b><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">People with a growth mind-set never stop learning</span></i></b><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">. </span></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Your ability to adapt and learn is a key component of your happiness and well-being.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">We all face challenges and change, and having an attitude that embraces personal growth happens when we are willing to learn. Setbacks and failure are opportunities to improve and grow. People with a growth mind-set love challenges and new experiences. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><b><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.</span></i></b><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; text-align: center;"><b><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Albert Einstein,1879–1955</span></i></b><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">According to the psychologist Carol Dweck someone with a growth mind-set:</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Is open to new ideas.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Enjoys challenges.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Believes that abilities develop.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Believes that lives and relationships and other people develop.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Work at relationships. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Is always learning (especially from setbacks<i>)</i></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Whereas people with a fixed mind-set:</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Believe that ability and intelligence are innate.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Are Judgemental.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Limit their achievement (crumbles in the face of challenge and adversity). </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Believe that that if they have to work at things they must be stupid – it should come naturally.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Believe that if relationships need work they must be wrong </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">How can you become more curious? Curiosity does more than broaden your mind; curiosity is a significant factor in well-being. Research has proved that the more curious we are the happier we are, both in our pleasure and joy in the moment and in our general well-being. The psychologist Todd Kashdan calls curiosity the ‘engine of wellbeing’. Knowing who you are, what you enjoy, how your life can be better, safer, happier or easier is the beginning of making it so. The more curious you are the bigger your world gets, and your knowledge of yourself, others and the world deepens.</span><span style="color: #9a9a9a; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Anxiety can be cured with curiosity. Next time you feel anxious you may notice that it is because there is something you don’t know, so why not:</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Get curious about why you are anxious.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Find out what you need to do. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-language: JA;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Say you don’t understand.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">The more open you are to new ideas and perspectives the more you will be able to affect your happiness and well-being.</span><span style="color: #9a9a9a; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Why no decide today be open and curious to any and all possibilities and to let go</span><span style="color: #9a9a9a; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;">of any attachment to specific outcomes.</span><span style="color: #9a9a9a; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: JA;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin;">Dweck, C. (2008). </span><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin-Italic;">Mindset: The new psychology of success – how we</span></i></div><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin-Italic; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">can learn to fulfil our potential</span></i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Plantin; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">. New York: Ballantine Books.</span></div>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-8061613991532708992011-05-31T10:57:00.009+01:002011-06-02T13:53:57.497+01:00Choice“Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices - today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” Kevyn Aucoin<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjedLIOhK3k3NrIwVkY9u0UcLmmOk1JuOmVXKJgTHnOQZcWpKDHSW3ALFAdWOFsyKkixhA5xtLK49RaCaC6gT_tS1_3f90sVgIhr2t9FR8Ar0njw5GE6qtC9I3IVCDGKALpR3ZHWWLZYGMb/s1600/choice.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 400px; HEIGHT: 268px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5612817442674715282" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjedLIOhK3k3NrIwVkY9u0UcLmmOk1JuOmVXKJgTHnOQZcWpKDHSW3ALFAdWOFsyKkixhA5xtLK49RaCaC6gT_tS1_3f90sVgIhr2t9FR8Ar0njw5GE6qtC9I3IVCDGKALpR3ZHWWLZYGMb/s400/choice.jpg" /></a><br /><br />What are you choosing? More importantly how and why are choosing how you choose to think and act?<br /><br />This sounds either mindless or confusing but whenever I get my clients to start to think about the reasons and motivation behind their actions it is always challenging.<br /><br />We choose differently in different areas of our lives and as we go through life the choices that suited us in our youth are different to those as we get older and at every life change.<br /><br />In my last blog I touched on the accumulated affect of all the little things. We change and our circumstances change in some ways so gradually and surreptitiously that perhaps we don't notice and if we don't notice we can get 'out of date' with our own life. Sometimes we can even forget to choose fun!<br /><br />One of the ways we choose is our time perspective.<br /><br />The psychologist Philip Zimbardo writes and talks about the importance of choosing our time perspective and how our happiness and well being is affected by how much (and in what way) we choose to focus on the past, present and future. You can see him talking about this at <a href="http://ted.com/talk/lang/eng/philip_zimbardo_prescribes_a_healthy_take_on_time.html"><span style="font-family:times new roman;">http://ted.com/talk/lang/eng/philip_zimbardo_prescribes_a_healthy_take_on_time.html</span></a><span style="font-family:times new roman;"><br /></span>Zimbardo's conclusion is that he used to be too future orientated (choosing how he lived only in respect to future outcomes) and that he is now much more present focused and consequently much happier. He is making an important point that to be <em>too</em> future orientated is not good for your health and wellbeing. His professional achievements, that he now enjoys, came directly as a result of his choice to be single mindedly future focused but he woke up to the cost of his choice (which I believe has much more to do with his age than his research) and wishes he had done so sooner now he has discovered the joy of choosing to live in the present. -Zimbardo's message is that just choosing one focus and perspective, however successful, can come at a price.<br /><br />Our choices are often in competition and can be affected by hidden - or at least unacknowledged, motivations. When this happens we can feel out of control.<br /><br />In my book <em>Brilliant Positive Psychology</em> I have started with the power of choice because we are actually choosing everything- not just our time perspective. We are making many many choices -much more that we realise- in fact happiness itself is a choice. By taking a moment to examine what we are choosing (and why) we can begin to evaluate and change our perspective in all areas of life. How we choose to see other people and events, how we choose to see ourselves, and how and what we choose to do what we do. Choosing to choose can be very empowering.<br /><br /><br /><p>The choices I am talking about are not what to buy, eat or get, but how we choose to think and what we choose to value. In fact one of the best choices you can make for your happiness and wellbeing is to do and have less! Research has told us that having too much choice and always trying to get the most from everything doesn't make us feel good.<br /><br />In order to change how you think you first have to choose to think!<br /><br />This is an extract from Brilliant Positive Psychology p.11<br /><br /><em>Below are some of the ways you are choosing your experience<br />and well-being; these are some of the factors that govern how<br />and why you make choices, and, in effect, how you choose to<br />think and feel. All these influences are part of your complexity<br />and only you can change or increase what influences your<br />choices.<br />1 <strong>What you need and value</strong>. You choose what you need.<br />Your basic needs are as individual as you are and what<br />you need are the things that matter most to you, what you<br />value.<br /></em><br /><em>2 <strong>As a response</strong>. You choose your response to how others<br />behave and act, and to outside circumstances. Someone<br />else’s actions affect your choices. This is often an <strong>emotional response<br /></strong></em><br /><em>3 <strong>To conform as part of a group</strong>. You choose because it<br />is socially appropriate. You choose to do things you feel<br />you should do because it is considered by others to be the<br />choice you should make. You choose cultural and social<br />norms.<br /></em><br /><em>4 <strong>With autonomy</strong>. You choose completely freely and<br />unrestrained. You choose novelty, excitement and<br />uncertainty, for your immediate pleasure.<br /></em><br /><em>5 <strong>With your mind</strong>. You choose to do something logically<br />because it makes sense to you.<br /></em><br /><em>6 <strong>As a habit</strong>. You choose out of habit. You choose<br />mindlessly, doing what you have always done without<br />thinking about it.<br /></em><br /><em>7 <strong>With understanding</strong>. You choose what you understand<br />and is meaningful to you. When you understand why you<br />want to do something, you have a reason to choose it.<br /><br /></em><strong>What are you choosing right now?</strong><br />Are you awake and open to change?<br />Are you content and grateful for how much you have or do you<br />want more?<br />Are you living ‘your’ life or for someone else and have you chosen this?<br />Are you choosing to see problems or solutions?<br />Are you learning from your mistakes or do you feel a failure?<br />Are you looking forward to the future or does the past hold you in<br />its grip?<br />Are you choosing safety or adventure?<br />Are you choosing to be generous with your gifts or do you hold the<br />best of you only for those who deserve it?<br />Are you choosing to judge yourself and others or are you choosing<br />to see the best in yourself and others?<br /><br />Why not choose to become more aware of the choices you are making today, especially in respect to time.<br />Look at different areas of your life in the list below and put each area in the middle of the mind map and play with some of the perspectives. Note down which perspective you are choosing and then note down what you might choose from a different perspective. </p><br /><ol><br /><br /><li>How or what are you choosing in your c<strong>areer, at work, professionally</strong>.</li><br /><br /><li>How or what are you choosing to spend your time r<strong>ecreationally, for fun, in your social life.</strong></li><br /><br /><li>How or what are you choosing in respect to your <strong>romantic life, significant other.</strong></li><br /><br /><li>What are you choosing in respect to <strong>where you live, your environment.</strong></li><br /><br /><li>What or how are you choosing <strong>financially, to keep yourself and others.</strong></li><br /><br /><li><strong></strong>How or what are you choosing for<strong> yourself, your soul.</strong></li><br /><br /><li>How or what are you choosing for<strong> others, the wider world.</strong></li></ol><br /><br /><p>Do let me know if you choose something different and if it changed anything </p>charlotte stylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00813431840909059914noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424582187237299631.post-18005389404289084012011-05-20T21:15:00.002+01:002011-06-08T21:18:56.771+01:00The power of the ironic loop<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><i><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-BookItalic; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-BookItalic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Try this. I want you NOT to think about a lemon barley sweet. Don’t think </span></span></i><i><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-BookItalic; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-BookItalic;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">about sucking lemon barley for the next two minutes. How is this working?</span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;">The mind plays an ironic trick: when we have the thought that we mustn’t </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">think about something it sets up a feedback loop that increases, rather </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">than diminishes, this thing we mustn’t think about in our minds. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Were </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">you able not to think of a lemon barley and did your mouth water by </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">any chance? When we ruminate on something negative or want to stop </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">doing something that is hard, like dieting or smoking, or even when we </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">just feel miserable and want to stop feeling this way, we can set up such </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">a loop. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is very hard to overcome strong emotion, which can then govern </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">what we think; yet paradoxically what we 'think', may have elicited the </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">strong emotion. Just choosing not to think of the things that make us feel </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">negative may in fact increase those thoughts and feelings, as the above </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: QuaySansITC-Book; mso-bidi-font-family: QuaySansITC-Book;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">example with the lemon barley sweet shows.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whatever it is that you want to stop doing or deny yourself try not to be too obsessed. Acknowledge your cravings/worry/hatred and see the gremlin on your shoulder who is making such a big deal - and then find something to distract you. Chances are that if you embrace your worries and fears; notice and stay with the emotion, it will probably loose some of its grip. Denying the emotion or fighting it, is the fuel to feeling it more strongly. </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One way to break the ironic loop is to name the emotion. 'Hi desire', 'hi fear', 'hi anger' so this is what you feel like. I am feeling you and I notice your grip, but you will pass in a while. Then focus on something different and positive. Good luck</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;"><br />
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