Try this. I want you NOT to think about a lemon barley sweet. Don’t think about sucking lemon barley for the next two minutes. How is this working?
The mind plays an ironic trick: when we have the thought that we mustn’t think about something it sets up a feedback loop that increases, rather than diminishes, this thing we mustn’t think about in our minds.
Were you able not to think of a lemon barley and did your mouth water by any chance? When we ruminate on something negative or want to stop doing something that is hard, like dieting or smoking, or even when we just feel miserable and want to stop feeling this way, we can set up such a loop.
It is very hard to overcome strong emotion, which can then govern what we think; yet paradoxically what we 'think', may have elicited the strong emotion. Just choosing not to think of the things that make us feel negative may in fact increase those thoughts and feelings, as the above example with the lemon barley sweet shows.
Whatever it is that you want to stop doing or deny yourself try not to be too obsessed. Acknowledge your cravings/worry/hatred and see the gremlin on your shoulder who is making such a big deal - and then find something to distract you. Chances are that if you embrace your worries and fears; notice and stay with the emotion, it will probably loose some of its grip. Denying the emotion or fighting it, is the fuel to feeling it more strongly.
One way to break the ironic loop is to name the emotion. 'Hi desire', 'hi fear', 'hi anger' so this is what you feel like. I am feeling you and I notice your grip, but you will pass in a while. Then focus on something different and positive. Good luck
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