The power of variety, complexity and choice; or creativity in action

This is taken from the afterword in my book on positive psychology.

In some ways it could be said that positive psychology is attempting to find the code, the initial programme that produces the most beautiful lives. Philosophers and mystics have attempted similar journeys and come to very similar conclusions. 

􏰂􏰃􏰄􏰅􏰆􏰇􏰅􏰈􏰉􏰊􏰋􏰌􏰀􏰀􏰀􏰄􏰍􏰄 􏰎􏰏􏰐􏰎􏰏􏰐􏰄􏰎􏰆􏰎􏰀􏰀􏰀􏰆􏰅
There is no surprise at how much research findings are mirroring some of the teachings of ancient mystics and philosophers. However, it should be remembered that all ancient writings on the practices and behaviours of those who have embodied what has been recognised as the height of human flourishing were written by followers in their name. Buddha, Jesus and Socrates wrote nothing. Their ‘teaching’ was given in practice and through stories and principles that call for reflective action in relationship to the self and others; the best understanding of these teachings is only really revealed in practice.

Human life is not isolated, even within itself. Each thought, word and deed is in communion with otherness: our environ- ment or someone else or our own desires and needs, ambitions or fears, with the added extra of the random feedback loop that each thought generates as it ricochets out and back like an echo-sounder.

When people are happier they are kinder, more generous, more grateful, and healthier. When people open themselves up to growth and compassion, empathy and connectedness, more lives flourish than just that of the individual. Just as micro-financing is recognised as a powerful force for change in building the economic strength of communities from within, so positive psychology is showing us how much the smallest attention to how we look at the world and those around us can affect not just our own well-being but everything around us. Positive psychology is seeking to extend this message in a way that opens up opportunities for individuals to flourish from childhood to old age. Every time you choose to learn, grow and develop personally you change more than your own abilities and well-being. The simplest change in thinking or behaviour can have a far-reaching effect.

We are complicated, and we live in a world that is complex beyond even science’s ability to grasp fully, but the complex arises from the very small and the very simple. 

􏰂􏰃􏰄􏰅􏰆􏰇􏰅􏰈􏰉􏰊􏰋􏰌􏰀􏰀􏰀􏰄􏰍􏰇 􏰎􏰏􏰐􏰎􏰏􏰐􏰄􏰎􏰆􏰎􏰀􏰀􏰀􏰆􏰅􏰑􏰅The butterfly effect can be seen in much of the research in positive psychology.  Barbara Fredrickson tells us that there is an important ratio of positive effect that has a tipping point, 3:1 positive to negative. This is similar to the effects found in chaos theory. But just as the butterfly flapping its wings can cause a hurricane, each small change you make in your life matters. The old proverb: ‘For want of a nail the horse was lost, for want of a horse the rider was lost, for want of a rider the battle was lost, for want of a battle the kingdom was lost, and all for the want of a horse shoe nail’,224 sums it up nicely.

A small caution

A happy fulfilled life as the subject for study and understanding is important. However, looking for the key to happiness and well-being can inspire prescriptive ideals. History is littered with the casualties of putting into practice ideas that claim to lead to a good and happy life. 

Positive psychology is at the forefront of a scientific approach to understanding what makes us flourish and could claim to ‘know’ the answers, but proving one thing and acting on that proof can have unforeseen consequences elsewhere. For example, 25 years ago psychological research discovered the correlation between depression and low self-esteem. Boosting self-esteem became the holy grail of psychologists. However, after more study into the concept, high self-esteem has been found to be great for the individual while not good for others. People with high self-esteem are more likely to be aggressive and bully others, are more likely to cheat and to be self-serving generally at others’ expense. High self-esteem can have negative consequences.  Like our modern obsession with food, we may find that eating blueberries reduces the risk of cancer and heart disease but we also know that a diet of only blueberries would be poisonous. Time and again the research reveals the power of variety and that our strengths can also be our weakness if over-used or used too narrowly, and your talents only really grow when challenged.

􏰂􏰃􏰄􏰅􏰆􏰇􏰅􏰈􏰉􏰊􏰋􏰌􏰀􏰀􏰀􏰄􏰍􏰅 􏰎􏰏􏰐􏰎􏰏􏰐􏰄􏰎􏰆􏰎􏰀􏰀􏰀􏰆􏰅􏰑􏰅

The research to date, the subject and business of positive psychology, should be used to inform and guide rather than dictate. The subjective context in which happiness and well-being are experienced is a complicated and perpetual interplay of how and why we think and how and why we feel, which is both genetic and learned.The happy news is that we can affect the quality of our life and how we feel.

Creativity is the unmentioned subject of my book but is the expression of all aspects of a flourishing life. Everything we do is creative or has the potential to create. Every time we smile at someone we create a moment. Being creative is who we are in action, any action, in our work, with our family and friends, and most especially in the effect we have on our environment. Shelling peas can be a creative process and we are all performance artists like Gilbert and George; our life IS our creation and when we flourish we create better.

In comfort and luxury some people can create hell, and in the worst degradation and shortage there are people who can create heaven. It is truly your choice: 

"Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will create the fact" William James, 1842–1910. 

You are not your thoughts

You are not your thoughts. Your brain does what it does, it processes information, it does this without you, when you dream, when your thoughts wander, your brain is doing what it does just as your lungs do or your heart.

Be the watcher of your thoughts just as you can be the watcher of your breathing. You can put your attention to anything your body- which includes your mind.- Your body is experiencing and your mind is interpreting, with or without your attention.  What we experience can be mindless or mindful.

When we let go of attachment to our thoughts we are still using out mind but it is not our mind that is running things it is our higher (deeper, truer...)self.

Don't try to switch off your thoughts, just notice them, especially when you are beating yourself up.

We say things to ourselves that can be horrible. When it is too hard to listen or shut up the monkey in the machine notice with your other senses and turn your attention to what you can hear, how your legs feel, what you are sensing, smelling, seeing or touching. Let go of believing what you are thinking. Practice being.

Try this 13 minute guided meditation with Ally Hamilton

Brexit thoughts, (Nothing to do with happiness!)

The revolution IS being televised,

The revolution is on social media.

The piglet and pooh pastiches, the re-run petitions re-run, the wails and tales and what the f!

The implodes and explodes and the silent retreat modes,

The friendships in question and IQ on trial.

It IS a revolution.

And it IS being televised.

Let them eat cake is the Westminster vibe,

The BBC, guardian the, chattering minds.

But the ordinary, dispossessed, helpless ignored. 

The workers, protesters, manipulated many have delivered their verdict unqualified -bold

Autonomy- Freedom -Connection- Belonging- the need in the story is timeless, predictable, sorry.

It's a revolution no different than any before

Led by opportunists, fanatics and nationalists with distorted  passion and one or two lies..

Fuelling and feeding the anger and lack, or what the heck, to the obviously bored.

The revolution is being televised, media-ised, lionised. 

The familiar players are all on stage

Who is Robespierre who Stalin, who Benjamin Franklin?

See the honour and integrity exploited and changed on both sides.

The rejection of union, undoing the union, united we aren't in uncoupling, reforming, revolting.

Yet hell is also a world without change.

The revolution IS being televised!

Choose love, choose humility, choose understanding choose wisely.

Or choose need needlessly.

Whatever you choose WILL be televised,

It already is.

It IS a revolution.

There is hope in the madness- getting back to basics. In praise of self-help.

In seeking happiness or at least a happier life why do we need so many books and manuals and even this blog to remind/tell us to pay more attention to the basics?

By basics I mean; to be mindful and aware, grateful and kind, to live with more compassion to both ourselves and others, to judge less and accept more. Surely we don't need a book or article or a pinterest board to know these things? Yet if you look at the self-help shelves groaning with books on all aspects of well-being; spiritual, emotional, physical and mental there are thousands and counting. It would appear that there is a need- almost an epidemic!

After taking out the extreme ideologies, most 'life support' books say the same thing in as many variations as it is possible to imagine. Most use one subject as the catch-all and if the idea catches on it can be exploited for a bit before the next 'way in'.  No-one should care that self help can be exploitive or that money is being made from teaching which ideally should be passed from parent to child. Whatever the need, turning to a self-help book is an indication or awareness of a lack.  Whichever book or article turned to, people are at least looking to challenge or change their pattern of thinking.

If basic things like gratitude and kindness isn't taught at home thank goodness there is a plethora of 'basic' messages getting out at the moment.  Self-help books can be great and although they come in many varieties and cover many aspects of life, mostly they tell the same story; to wake up and take responsibility for ourselves and how we live! Whatever has or is happening to us we are the guardians of our souls and yes we do have souls.

The Dali Lama's message of a calm mind supported by compassionate living and a strong character is one of the many voices on happiness. His influence is immense but if the Chinese had not invaded and destroyed his country, Tibetan buddhism would have remained hidden in the closed society that was Tibet. The pain for Tibet was a force for good in the world. 

It is pain, depression and emptiness  that is the reason there is a mass waking up to the 'basics'. It is living sadly and badly that causes people to want to know how to live a little (or a lot) better and happier. There is hope in the madness.

The western culture, that focuses on the self, feels different pressures. The distance and separation we feel, is not from God so much as from an ideal we think we 'should' be in our own eyes. The greater the discrepancy between how we think our lives or ourself 'should be' compared to how our life 'is' or we 'are' is a measure of unhappiness. The greater the discrepancy, the more unhappy and depressed we are. 

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” Socrates

If we are lucky we might get unhappy enough to want to do something about it and although some ideas out there might be another road to hell the more people who are waking up and addressing the issue the more all the simple ideas get airtime and the rotten apples come to light. The rise of fundamental religious belief is part of the same need and it too may rise or fall as a consequence of how much misery or joy it brings.

History teaches us that 'ideal' instructions for living well, have constantly been re-learnt -  both individually and collectively. I am just glad that the 'basics' are back on the menu. 

The suffering of the Tibetan people or Nelson Mandela have given us examples of people who have risen from Job-like experiences, but seem out of reach to most of us. Individual and global suffering calls us to compassion and action, but often it is only through our own suffering that we are 're-minded' how fundamentally important are kindness, appreciation, gratitude and noticing the small joys.  

Perhaps we need to loose much of what we have come to think matters before we can wake up and remember the really big one, the hard idea that comes through acceptance, compassion and kindness - Forgiveness - starting with ourselves.

I wrote this some time ago but feel I want to post this after hearing Laurie Taylor on Radio 4 being very sniffy about self help, and the wellbeing 'industry'. I end where I began-  who cares if people are pedalling mindfulness, gratitude and meaningful living and getting it into government departments and the like. Something is amiss if we are not happy -and surely these ideas are better than some of the more fundamental religious ideas that also seek to fill the current void.

Gratitude and apprieciation is a life force

How appreciative are you of what you have right now?
Sometimes it is easy to stop noticing the small miracles around us all the time.
Gratitude is the door through which life pours, being grateful and appreciative is a choice, a choice to open yourself up to seeing the world afresh every minute.

Do you use the word 'if' or 'when' in the way you look at your life? for example
if I had more money
if I was married/ had a boyfriend/ wasn't in a relationship...
if my mother/ father hadn't.....
if I had not been bullied/ changed schools /suffered........................
or
when I get sorted
when I get a promotion
when I go away
when I have time- if I had more time......................
you get the picture - you are looking at life from the perspective of a victim.

Bad things happen but wishing things were otherwise or blaming someone or something for the situation you dislike is only giving you permission to stay helpless and a victim to circumstances- it is also a way of not talking responsibility for creating your own life.

New things come into your life when you see things with gratitude. 

What are you grateful for learning and what gave you the opportunity to learn this? what are you most grateful for right now? How many things could you appreciate more if you stopped worrying for a moment?

One way to start appreciating and developing a grateful outlook is to become mindful. Just stop for three minutes and be aware of what your body is doing. Your heart is beating in a way that is able to pump your blood hard enough to gather oxygen, hormones, vitamins and minerals and then push them to all your body cells appropriately - even to the end of your toes and then have enough power to return to the heart. You are breathing life sustaining oxygen in an equally and integrated way and you are able to be aware of this cognitively- WOW! I am aware I sound annoying but a living body really is technologically beautiful, a stunningly designed self sustaining system ...........
-and you are both creator and user- you choose and create many of the apps. How much stress hormone your body creates depends on how you think!

Keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to feel better about your life or just noting before you fall aleep what you apprieciate about the day, and why.

I love this  - funny and spot on!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8LaT5Iiwo4

Emmons R.A. and McCullough M.E. (2003). Counting Blessings versus Burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-89

How interested are you in your relationship?

I have a great aunt of 94 who has never been married, the other day she said to me that of course she has no first hand experience but as far as she could see the reason most marriages failed was because of boredom.

"They say it's because of this or that reason, but I think people just get bored" was how she put it. 

I think she is probably right. In her ted talk Esther Perel reminds us that the important things we look for in long term relationships such as security and certainty are also passion killers.

We have an inbuilt system that reduces the pleasure something affords us over time, we adapt all to quickly to having the things we desire and the initial pleasure wanes with familiarity. This is called the hedonic treadmill and capitalism mercilessly exploits our voracious appetite for pleasure and happiness that consumerism,  material acquisition and new experience gives us.

We can become consumers of people too, caught up in the feelings we ‘get’ from other people and sexual pleasure is one of the biggest pleasure/ happiness drugs of all. But like all drugs the effects can become muted over time. The hedonic treadmill can apply as much to our relationships as to anything else.

THINKING about ACTIONS and HABITS

Watch your thoughts because they become your words

Watch your words because they become your actions

Watch your actions because they become your habits

Watch your habits because they become your character

Watch your character because it becomes your destiny.

I spend a lot of time focusing at the beginning of this quote, on how we think. We can choose how we think and change our perspective and the rest follows; what you think creates the world you experience. Today I would like to focus on the 3rd line. Watch your actionsbecause they become your habits.

Our habits express who we are much more than our sentiments.

In fact our habits can betray us however much we want to deceive ourselves that we are what we think more than what we do. Thinking affects what we do, but it is also true that doing effects what we think.

If you smile you will feel happier, just as if you are happy it makes smile.

Kinder people are happier and happier people are kinder.

The life we have been dealt can shape our character. 

Our character is expressed through our habits.

Our habits govern our actions.

Our actions direct our words.

Our words betray our thoughts.

This way round it sounds less inspiring.  When written this way it conveys a powerless response to life events (reactive),  as opposed to a motivated directed response (proactive).

If our character is shaped by a mindless reactive response to life’s lottery the process is probably continued until the thoughts generated at the end of this process would feed back into the return re-action i.e.from those thoughts back to character and destiny.  And back again. An endless feedback loop.

Traditional therapy spends a lot of time examining things in backward direction; from events to thoughts, in order that people can understand why they might think theway they do and then choose to change things.

Backward thinking people use their thoughts to examinetheir lives.

Forward thinking people use their thoughts to create their lives.

Any thinking is good, even backward thinking. However when trouble strikes the habit of forward thinking will serve you much, much, better than backward thinking.

Mindless action, thoughtless behavior can be a habit in and of itself, and I include in this understanding of mindless behavior;

•

Behavior and actions that come of mindlessly following and obeying rules.

•

Behavior and actions done with no thought at all beyond immediate gratification.

•

Lack of awareness, general thoughtless behavior.

What is sad is that many people don’t wake up to, or question their thinking until trouble strikes.

Do mindless actions lead to thoughtless habits? Whichin turn define our nature? If we examine our actions do we say we act this way because that’s the way we are or the way we are choosing to be.

A fixed mindset believes that we are who we are and people cant and don’t change. A growth mindset believes anyone can change.

We develop our character through what we habitually do and think, and we CAN choose how we think, act and behave.

We don’t speak much about character today and we certainly don’t spend much time discussing the qualities and behavior that belies good character. We have become facile in how we speak about values, and forget that what we value is at the heart of what we really care about and governs our behavior. What we DO defines us and gives us our identity, and what we do can be done mindlessly.

Are you choosing your story or mindlessly at the mercy of it?

Happiness, meaning and a sense of purpose.

What does it mean to have a sense of purpose?
How much would a sense of purpose guide and affect your choices?

Having a sense of purpose gives you a reason to aim for something. It encourages you to move towards more fulfilling goals and in doing so enables you to experience longer lasting happiness.  Having a sense of purpose means having clear goals that fit into your wider life story, so that what you do holds meaning and direction.

Having meaning in your life gives you the ‘why’ you do what you do. Knowing that your life has meaning helps you face up to difficulties and overcome hardship. The meaning, ‘your story’, defines your role and makes you who you are and what you do matter.

‘Lack of meaning and purpose accounts for much of the rise in depression in America’

Victor Frankl

Victor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, remarks in his seminal book Man’s Search for Meaning that lack of meaning and boredom in people’s lives cause more mental health problems than

distress.

A sense of purpose doesn't have to be a grand world changing ideal, it is a way of holding who you are in harmony with what you do. Living a purposeful life has direction; you know the path you are on and equally importantly who you are. You are the path you walk: when your path is more important than the destination, life becomes vibrant and exciting; you know where you are headed and why. Your path is not so much about goals and work but the quality you bring to the process of living – your purpose, your unique contribution.

Where you feel most autonomy and freedom is a good place to find a sense of purpose to your life. Knowing what you value, and living to those values, gives the meaning and purpose to what you do. 

The importance of vulnerability

This is such an important subject. If you look at nothing else on this blog watch Brene Brown
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

I have found everything she talks about is true, in my own life and with clients.

The relationship of weakness and strength is much more than having the courage to ask for help. It is  about being strong enough to embrace weakness and stand in the hard place and accept and embrace all that we are.

Real weakness, real vulnerability, is something we are uncomfortable and struggle with, but shouldn't stop us from accepting ourselves as we really are. Owning, rather than denying this part of ourselves allows us to accept and love others with true intimacy.

I learned a long time ago that the part of me that I wanted to change and loose, the me I was most ashamed of, was a part of me that people connected to. I still feel useless and vulnerable sometimes, however, the more accepting I am of my own weaknesses the more able I have been to love and accept weakness and vulnerability in others.

Do you love your friends because they are perfect or because they feel safe enough with you to let you see thier flaws?

Something simple

For a happier longer life, try smiling more! http://www.ted.com/talks/ron_gutman_the_hidden_power_of_smiling.html

Happiness and a growth mindset

Research is showing that having a growth mindset rather than being fixed in how we see the world is an important distinction between people who thrive and those who don’t.

 

People with a growth mindset never stop learning. Your ability to adapt and learn is a key component of your happiness and well-being. We all face challenges and change, and having an attitude that embraces personal growth happens when we are willing to learn. Setbacks and failure are opportunities to improve and grow.

People with a growth mindset love challenges and new experiences.

In her book, Mindset: The new psychology of success, Carol Dweck explains how having an open mind to both our abilities and the world we live in allows us to grow and develop, and that holding fixed ideas reduces and limits not only our potential, but our potential for happiness. She also says that as a culture we don’t praise enough the effort and struggle people make, especially the young, when facing and overcoming setbacks.

‘Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.’ Albert Einstein,1879–1955

According to Carol Dweck

People with a Growth Mindset:

• Are open to new ideas.
• Are always learning (especially from setbacks).
• Enjoy challenges.
• Believe that abilities develop.
• Believe that lives and relationships and other people develop.
• Work at relationships

People with a Fixed Mindset

• Believe that ability and intelligence are innate.
• Are Judgemental.
• Limit achievement (crumbles in the face of challenge and adversity).
• Believe that if relationships need work they must be wrong.      
• Believe that that if they have to work at things they must be stupid – it should come naturally

Research has shown that people with a growth mindset are more likely to be realistic about themselves and their abilities than those with a fixed mindset. Being open to growth, learning and  development does not mean an over-inflated idea of one’s abilities, but openness to possibilities and potential.

 

How open to change and development are you?

 

Think of a time or incident that was hard for you.  

What did you learn?

 

How did you change?

 

What in your life has changed for the better because of this?

 

What, about the experience, are you grateful for?

With a growth mindset we grow intellectually (growing in our knowledge of the world and developing our reasoning powers) and emotionally (growing more emotional intelligence). All experience becomes good as it builds resources and self knowledge for positive growth and change.  The more we know about ourselves the greater are our chances of realising our potential

Find your mindset

Read the statements below and mark whether you agree or disagree with them:

 

1. You are the person you are and you can’t really change that, or

 

2. I believe that everybody can change, every kind of person is able to change.

 

3. The main part of who you are can’t change but you can do things differently, or

4 .You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are.

 

*[Questions 1 and 3 are the fixed mindset questions and 2 and 4 are the growth mindset.]

 

If you are most comfortable with statements 1 and 3, try thinking about what it means to you to believe that people cannot change, and, more importantly, what would change in your life if you chose statements 2 and 4. Then: Make a quick list of where you have opportunities to learn more.

 Carol Dweck (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. New York: Ballantine Books

Group Life Coaching Research

My research on the effect attending a life club workshop has on happiness and wellbeing has been published!  Groupwork An Interdisciplinary Journal for Working with Groups, Volume 20, Number 3, 2010 , pp. 51-72(22).

Nina Grunfelds Life Clubs are a great way to boost your happiness and wellbeing  www.lifeclubs.com

Everything you do effects everything you do!

In this rather confusing mind map I hope to convey the integrated way we improve happiness and wellbeing. Improving only one of the boxes has the potential to impact on all of your life. Action and focus in any area of your life can positively affect your overall wellbeing, resilience and happiness

The Indians have a saying- that we are a house with four rooms, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual and we need to visit each room every day if only to open the window.

http://happier-living.blogspot.com/2011/06/small-and-complex.html

Become happier by becoming kinder

You can increase your positive emotion and well-being by
increasing your kindness.
The child psychologist Bernard Rimland, director of the Institute for
Child Behavior Research, found that ‘the happiest people are those
who help others’. In his study, people were asked to list ten people
they knew and then to mark each according to how happy they
thought they were. They were then asked to rate the same people
for how selfish they were. Those who were less selfish were also
more likely to be the happiest.
Why not try this experiment for yourself? Rimland’s criterion for
selfish behaviour was ‘a stable tendency to devote one’s time and
resources to one’s own interests and welfare – an unwillingness to
inconvenience one’s self for others’.

Random acts of kindness can be anything: something
as simple as thanking someone, or stopping to allow a car
to pull out in front of you or letting someone onto a train before
you. All random acts of kindness are a real boost to happiness.

Get inventive with your kindness. It is very important to remember how
much variety matters. We love surprise, so keep your kindness fresh.
In a ten-week experiment Sonja Lyubomirsky asked people to practise
random acts of kindness. What was interesting about this research was that
the effect on happiness depended on the variety and not the frequency.

Don’t let this stop you – the more kindness you show the happier you will feel!
In another study in Japan people were asked to count their kindnesses. The
results showed that happy people became more kind and grateful, and all
participants became happier.

B. Rimland (1982). The altruism paradox. Psychological Reports, 51, 521.
Julia K. Boehm and Sonja Lyubomirsky (2008). The Promise of Sustainable Happiness. University of California, Riverside.
K. Otake, S. Shimai, J. Tanaka-Matsumi, K. Otsui and B. Fredrickson, (2006). Happy people become kinder through kindness: A counting kindness intervention. Journal of Happiness Studies, 7(3), 361–75.

On Education and Passion

This weekend I attended the Sunday Times Education Festival at Wellington College. A fantastic event that combined all that is good and forward thinking in education today with speakers and presentations on a vast number of subjects and perspectives. Michael Gove was great, however he stuck blindly to research that says the A levels most desired by business are english, maths, a language, the sciences, geography and history. This rather contradicted many of the presentations, workshops and discussions on what motivates and engages the young, which appeared to be much more the creative arts and as Bob Geldof highlighted, the creative industries have kept this country on the road significantly over the last 30 years as manufacturing has declined. The gold standard A’s also do not teach the other vital skills required by business, the importance of emotional, moral and social skills, a topic that permeated virtually everything.

The idea of a career appears to be dead yet we are in a world dominated by narrow expertise, we have a shortage of engineers and no idea what industries and skills we will need twenty years from now- or even ten. How can the business community of today define the ‘gold standard’ subjects that we should be teaching? Of course core knowledge is essential but how narrow or how broad is certainly up for debate.  Antony Seldon has taken this issue head on and was campaigning strongly for the broader potential of the International Baccalaureate and the relevance of teaching all eight aptitudes from Howard Gardner’s model of multiple intelligences, as well as the ability to be silent and mindful. Teaching how to use knowledge, as much as what knowledge children receive, seemed to be the thread.

I am struck by a big discussion in the ted group on LinkedIn that is asking ‘Our educational system is failing to help students understand their passions and prepare for the right career. How many years did it take for you to find the right career and feel engaged at work? Is there a way to avoid the sometimes 20 year detour to career happiness??

I am surprised this is not in a coaching or positive psychology group and it is quite a pet subject for me for many reasons- my own school experience and the number of midlife clients I get who realise they followed what they thought they should do rather than their heart and passions. There is no wrong and right here, we change as we mature and experience all that life throws at us, good and bad. It is often not the career path per se that is wrong but the way people are interpreting and valuing what they do. I am not sure if this is an education or a general social issue?

The best way to say it!

How to live more happily
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXI80TqAMQQ

Health and a positive attitude to food

Food is one of life’s best pleasures- are you appreciating and savouring what and how you eat?

 

 

A young man on his gap year teaching in India was struggling to connect to the children on his first day. As he groped for a subject, he asked ‘who likes food?’ The class erupted with excitement and he thought he’d cracked it. His next question, ‘what is your favourite food?’, completely baffled them.

 

 

 We have so much food, and choices of types of food, in the West that we have lost the concept of food as something that keeps us alive. What we do have are  unending amounts of research and information on what foods are best for health, happiness and energy. We devote hours of television time watching chefs cooking ever more exotic and exciting recipes and buying an unlimited number of books and magazines on the subject of food. Research shows that we are living longer and healthier but we are also getting fatter and suffering from more diabetes, coronary disease and cancer in the developed world than ever before. We know the effects of an unhealthy diet and yet we continue to eat and drink unhealthily. So much unhappiness is connected to our bodies and what we put into them that there is obviously much more to it.

 

 

 All food is good for us in moderation. What is not good for us is too much worry about what we are or are not eating. We can get all the information and spend hours buying the right things but the process of doing this can be stressful and all the benefit of eating the right stuff is lost to the anxiety. If food is something that controls us it becomes a cause of unhappiness. The same is true when food becomes a substitute for other pleasures and needs, an addiction that we can retreat into.  

 

 

Love your body as much as the food that feeds it.

When did you last stand naked in front of a mirror and really look at yourself? I am old enough for this to be much harder than it was 20 years ago. We live in a youth-obsessed culture and as we get older we can be made to feel that the natural changes to our bodies should somehow be overcome, hidden and even denied. The sexiest people are all shapes, sizes and ages – what they share is confidence and delight in themselves and their bodies.

Really sexy people are at ease with their bodies.

Everybody has flaws and imperfections. If you focus on your physical flaws rather than seeing what is beautiful about yourself, you will stop enjoying your full physical potential. Eating and body image can become so distorted that pleasure in a body that can run, jump and dance is lost along with the pleasure of eating. If you are young, be grateful for your body now. In 20 or 30 years you will long to have it again.

 Food is a pleasure and preparing food is a wonderful way to be mindful and present. Eating with other people is the best way to savour both food and company. The beginning of friendship normally starts with sharing a meal, in fact it is very unlikely that you have any significant relationships with someone you haven’t eaten with.

Here are some ways to eat well for a healthy mind AND body

• Eat fruit and vegetables daily.
• Make time to cook; cooking your own food is healthier not just because the ingredients are better but the time you spend preparing it can be mindful or social.
• Eat more slowly and relish your food. Take time to really enjoy and savour your food. Deny yourself nothing but take longer eating and relishing what you are eating. Notice what the food tastes of and how it feels in your mouth.
• Eat what you enjoy; keep portions moderate but don’t deny yourself the pleasure of eating.     Eat with someone else.
• Eat better snacks; nuts, dried fruit or home-made pop corn.
• Have regular meal times.
• Bring colour to your plate.
• Take a minute to be grateful for your food and the body it feeds.
• Don’t see food as a problem, see it as the source of life that it is.
• Try finding five physical aspects of yourself that you like, and really take note of what people compliment you for.

 

 

  

Why not give your body a good clean out now and then? Fasting every once in a while is very good for clearing your system both physically and mentally and is still used as a spiritual practice.

 

 

Alternatively give yourself a mindful eating exercise:

Take a piece of chocolate and eat it as slowly as you can, let it melt on your tongue and stay in your mouth as long as you can. Enjoy this exercise with a friend!