I have a great aunt of 94 who has never been married, the other
day she said to me that of course she has no first hand experience but as far
as she could see the reason most marriages failed was because of boredom.
"They say it's because of this or that reason, but I think people
just get bored" was how she put it.
I think she is probably right. In her ted talk Esther Perel reminds us that the important things we look for in long term relationships
such as security and certainty are also passion killers.
We have an inbuilt system that reduces the pleasure something
affords us over time, we adapt all to quickly to having the things we desire
and the initial pleasure wanes with familiarity. This is called the hedonic
treadmill and capitalism mercilessly exploits our voracious appetite for
pleasure and happiness that consumerism, material acquisition and new experience gives
us.
We can become consumers of people too, caught up in the feelings we ‘get’ from other people and sexual
pleasure is one of the biggest pleasure/ happiness drugs of all. But like all
drugs the effects can become muted over time. The hedonic treadmill can apply
as much to our relationships as to anything else.
